Review: Britney Spears and Elton John's new single is the most pointless pop record in history

Britney Spears and Elton John have collaborated on a new song. Photo / Supplied

REVIEW:

Elton John and Britney Spears have just made one of the most pointless records in pop history. Billed with great fanfare (by their publicists at least) as a collaboration between "two of the most iconic artists of all time", Hold Me Closer is an ephemeral trifle that is very much less than the sum of its parts. Cobbled together from two far better songs, it's a dreamy little wisp of a thing that plays to neither of their strengths and coasts along on novelty value alone.

Superstar duets promise a doubling-up of glamour and talent, like a Marvel superhero team up in which their special powers are combined to thrilling effect. This is not just a cross-generational collaboration but one that reaches across genres, with veteran songsmith Sir Elton (still threatening to retire but apparently as busy as ever) bringing his legendary skills to plucky plastic pop queen Britney, a woman who has always been able to punch some personality into any electro-pop banger. There is added intrigue because it is Spears's first new music since 2016, a pop comeback following court battles to free herself from the controversial conservatorship that controlled her life and career for over a decade. It has the potential to be a huge moment in redefining Spears as one of pop's great survivors. Sad to say, she's back not with a bang but a simper.

Hold Me Closer offers an airy dance groove, built around a disco bass, atmospheric synths and echoey lead guitar, with verses cobbled from snippets of Elton's 1992 single The One and a chorus chopped down from classic baroque 1972 ballad Tiny Dancer. The glaring question is: why would anyone even do this? Take two completely distinct yet brilliant, complex, emotional and much-loved songs and then squash them into one bit of throwaway fluff?

I guess the logic is that it worked for the Dua Lipa collaboration, Cold Heart. That involved Australian production trio Pnau mashing together contemporary dance pop star Lipa singing Elton's classic 1972 single Rocket Man with a snippet of Elton singing the "cold cold heart" hook from 1989's Sacrifice. It went to number one last year. Yet the tone was very much in the style of Dua Lipa's Future Nostalgia, lending it a contemporary pop aspect with retro flair.

Lightning has not struck twice. Whatever magic made those soundbites slot together signally fails here, where the verses are anonymous and the chorus incomplete. Honestly, you just wish they'd dispense with the silliness and sing Tiny Dancer properly.

What is truly baffling is what Britney is even doing on this record. With her voice mixed close to Elton's and then squashed through some kind of vocal effect, it doesn't even sound like her. Instead we are treated to a weird hybrid: Sir Elton Spears. Right at the end, Spears trills some uncharacteristic vocal riffs, like she's just remembered how to sing but has wound up channelling Stevie Nicks instead of doing her own thing.

When I first heard about this, I imagined Sir Elton and his great writing partner Bernie Taupin crafting a song especially for Spears to sing. This is more like the pop equivalent of rummaging around the back of the fridge to find some leftovers. Reheat me baby one more time.