Rebecca Barry Hill: The Bachelor - hooked by the scent of a woman

The Bachelorettes fighting for the love of Arthur Green on screen.

Cringe. That was the prevailing sensation throughout the first episode of The Bachelor New Zealand (7.30pm, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, TV3), and not just because of the awkward first encounters out of the limo.

"I like having fun. I like socialising. I like my job," one nervous contestant told our chiselled bachelor, Arthur Green, who has cheese-grater abs (check) a big, loving family (check) and co-owns a company called CleanPaleo (um, check?). Luckily for him, none of the contestants runs an Italian restaurant. Unluckily for him, this isn't the glossy American show.

It's impossible not to compare the two (not that I've watched pretty much all of them, back-to-back since 2011). On that show (apparently), everyone's a model, base camp is to-die-for and no expense is spared as the bachelor whizzes his dates from the Bahamas to Bali. Jimmy Kimmel and Sean Penn are big fans, and they've even got around the argument that it's all sexist twaddle by having a Bachelorette series, where one lucky lady gets to date 25 guys (the next one has two bachelorettes, not that I'd know). It's also beautifully lit, has fresh-looking roses and you can't see the camera operators inside the limos.

Meanwhile, in New Zealand, nice but kinda square Arthur gets to date his way through a group drawn from a smaller, slightly bogan talent pool. Some of them are awesome. Like Kristie. "Arthur! My glass is empty!"

And Brigette: "What can we call you that's not Arthur?"

And Danielle: "Crystal would feel the same way about Arthur as she would about a handbag."

Oh, wait, we're not supposed to like her, she's the fraudster. Art also likes the other Dani, who has a drink-driving conviction, so it seems the bad girls, along with seemingly normal "first impression rose"-getter Matilda, are frontrunners. As for Crystal - icy blonde, 30, teaches yoga - she's emerging as the show's Natalia Kills (every Bachelor series has a villain, along with a crazy person and two drunks - or so I've heard). The girls find Crystal intimidating, and she's clearly used to men throwing themselves at her feet.

Art, on the other hand, is playing the part of hunk-meets-diplomat reasonably well so far - flirting with the pretty ones, tolerating the stupid ones and comforting the upset ones. He even seems partially aware that something akin to Stockholm Syndrome sets in the minute the women get locked in the vicinity with their prize. Except Rosie, who decided she'd rather go to the Middle East.

For the first one-on-one date he flew bright-eyed hippie chick Poppy, also a yoga teacher, to Kawau Island - hey, at least we have decent settings for the lavish dates.

"She looks like a girl who would love a good kayak," said Art, no innuendo intended. And later, "She's a vegetarian who eats fresh seafood." Not rotting tuna steaks. Poppy was breezy and fun and laughed when she farted - not just in front of the bachelor but the entire nation. This is another reason it's hard not to love the format. A morbid fascination comes with watching people totally risk their dignity for a shot at love. Yet by the time you've learned your Cristys from your Kristies, got to know the true beauties and seen the first of the girls break down in tears or, in Poppy's case, sing their name from their butt, you can't help but start rooting for your favourite characters (no innuendo intended).

The Bachelor is quite possibly the most shallow, contrived, ridiculous way to find a life partner. But it's also wildly entertaining. Not that you or I would watch it ...

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