“So it took me quite a long time to be functional – but I never blamed God for it.”
Lind had met Ra at a New Year’s Eve party in 1973, when he was 17 and she was 16. The pair went out for six years and then married, and Lind will commemorate their 47-year wedding anniversary next month.
He told Real Life there was “some kickback” from family to their relationship in the early days, due to their cultural differences – him a Pākehā, she a Cook Island-Māori – but they “hung in there”.
“She was a much loved woman because she had this extraordinary ability to meet complete strangers, and within a few minutes they were divulging their innermost feelings to her,” Lind recalled.
“She had no regard for power, position, money, all that sort of thing. And she was stunning at just bringing people together. In terms of hospitality, right throughout our marriage, we had people living with us who were going through issues, and we had non-family members for dinner pretty much every night of the week.
“Since she’s gone, I’ve struggled. I was sort of going to try and emulate that, but I just don’t have that capacity that she had to bring people together in a context of hospitality and fellowship.”
Lind says in the aftermath of Ra’s death, he received what he took as a sign that Ra lived on in another place while walking at his local beach in the Waitakeres.
“Right through my walk down to the end of the bay and back, a little pīwakawaka (fantail) followed me all the way around, flitting around my head. At that time and in that context and in that situation, I felt this was Ra saying to me, ‘I’m alright, I’m in a better place, I’m good.’
“And I received, at the time, so much support from fellow Christians. They were absolutely astonishing in their level of support for me.”
In the years after Ra’s death, Lind released another album, Solo, to critical acclaim. He says despite all he’s been through, he’s learned not to write songs out of pure catharsis, which he says can be “indulgent”.
“It’s like primal scream therapy – by all means, good for the person screaming, and by all means make that record, but don’t play it to us, you know?
“You try and make a song so that it has a universality, so there’s some common ground [for the listener] and so that people can get something out of it for themselves. It can’t just be purely confessional.”
Earlier in the interview, Lind spoke openly about his Christian faith, which is a strong theme in much of both his music and his physical artwork.
He describes what happens on Easter as his raison d’etre.
“The crucifixion is God’s demonstration to me of his need for justice, but on the other hand his infinite and compassionate love and concern for his creation that was borne out in the crucifixion,” he said.
“It was the most painful form of execution the Romans could come up with – in fact very few, if any, Romans ever got crucified, that was saved for other people. But it echoes the Old Testament, the old covenant need for a sacrifice to atone for sin, for wrongdoing, and Jesus became that sacrifice for me.
“And today [Easter Sunday] we celebrate the resurrection, which, without it, the cross would be kind of meaningless.”
Real Life is a weekly interview show where John Cowan speaks with prominent guests about their life, upbringing, and the way they see the world. Tune in Sundays from 7.30pm on Newstalk ZB or listen to the latest full interview here.
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