Kendall Jenner has given fans a look inside her "cozy LA hideaway" with an Architectural Digest house tour.
Of course, this comes as we are all still recovering from fellow model Gigi Hadid offering fans a tour of her truly hideous house earlier this week.
There's nothing like the schadenfreude of realising all the money in the world (a net worth of $US29 million (NZ$44 million) in Hadid's case) can't stop you from designing a house that looks like a mid-tier Amsterdam youth hostel offering free continental breakfast for advance bookings.
So it brings me no pleasure to report that Kendall Jenner's home is lovely. Really, really nice. She (or at least the people she paid to decorate it) appears to have taste.
Despite the tasteful decor, Jenner's 10-minute video house tour is still quite the ride. Strap in as we break it down, scene by scene.
Upon entry, guests to Jenner's house may notice she has a giant, glowing orb on her foyer wall. She explains that it's "a James Turrell". I can only assume he's a friend of hers who got stuck in a Sliders portal - get well soon James!
Kendall says she purposefully kept a TV out of her living room and has found it makes for a lot of "deep talks".
"I usually have the fire going, whether it's winter, summer, fall, spring, whatever it is."
Mmm, nothing better than sitting in front of an open fire during a long, hot Californian summer:
There's also a fully stocked bar, inspired by … Kris Jenner?
"My mum is notorious for having the best bars," she says. Kendall that is, like, not even in the top 10 things Kris Jenner is most notorious for.
A light installation by artist Tracey Emin has pride of place on Jenner's bedroom wall. It displays several measurements alongside the message 'Glad to hear you're a happy girl.'
Like all the best art, it's pure filth.
"I'm pretty sure the measurements are an ex-boyfriend of Tracey Emin's penis size, and then the message at the bottom is to his new girlfriend, 'Glad to hear you're a happy girl' …" she explains.
"Because he has a really big penis, I believe." YES THANK YOU KENDALL WE WERE ABLE TO JOIN THOSE DOTS OURSELVES.
Speaking of big: Kendall informs us her bed is nine by eight-and-a-half feet (about 2.7m square). I have lived in apartments smaller than this bed:
At the foot of her bed and dotted around her room are 'copper energy rings'.
"Not exactly sure what they're supposed to be good for, but someone told me to get them," she shrugs.
Kendall Jenner, 24, is worth a reported $65 million. Isn't this house tour turning out fun and not at all depressing?
And as befits a millionaire model dripping in copper energy rings, Kendall has a pure gold bath. She loves it, insisting she bathes "at least three times a week". We assume showers factor into the schedule too, although she doesn't mention it.
Big Britney vibes in our next room – Kendall converted what was a home theatre room into an art studio.
"I'm not good at art, but I love coming in here and just making really horrible things."
I'm absolutely sure of it!
To the kitchen: Now, as someone whose literal life goal is to one day own a kitchen island, I can't even summon the energy to make fun of this. I am too busy SEETHING with envy. Kendall Jenner move out and let me live my Nancy Meyers dream challenge.
Outside to her very sunny backyard. More than once during this tour, Jenner references her hometown's perpetually sunny weather.
"Like I said, I live in LA so it's always sunny, and it's … just the best," she says, smugly.
Two of her bedrooms have been converted into a fitting room and a glam room.
"Everyone in my family has a good glam room." Girl … even Rob?
And behold the breezy manner in which Kendall explains she's installed a tradesman's entrance for The Help. "There's a really nice door so my glam people can come in and out really easily and not have to walk through the whole house," she says cheerfully.
Finally, her giant walk-in wardrobe.
"Fun fact, I purge my closet at least every two months," she says. "It's one of my favourite things to do; I feel like a newborn baby every time I do it."
Can't you just picture her, red, nude and screaming, as she drips amniotic fluid onto rubbish bags marked "KYLIE" and "VINNIES"?
Well thanks for stopping by, Architectural Digest! Don't get sucked into the pulsating red orb on your way out!
If you want to feel bad about your home and life choices you can watch Kendall's tour below: