The things mums and dads say ...
Do your parents say anything trivial that annoys you for no good reason?
1. My dad describes everything he likes (restaurant food, views on holidays, music) as "stunning" but pretends he's searching for the right word before saying it.
2. My mum says "talking to a blank wall" instead of "talking to a brick wall" and when corrected claims both are acceptable. They just aren't.
3. Instead of saying "take a chill pill" my dad says "take a chill-out tablet".
4. When I was 16 I wanted Puff Daddy's album. My mum went in to the shop and asked for puffing Billy ... I walked out.
5. My dad calls salad dressing "lettuce lotion" and it makes me feel sick.
6. My dad calls The Kardashians The Pistachios.
7. My mum will always call KFC "Kentucky Fried Chicken" and I know that's what it stands for but where's the need to call it it's full name?
8. My mum's not here any more and was never a drinker but every New Year she would say, "I will have a wee Tina Marina".
9. Every time my dad phoned me he would say "wait until I turn down the TV" and disappear for 20 seconds. Why not turn it down first?
10. Mum says "can't keep my eyes open" at the same time every night.
Hanging out on the corner
Take a bough — please!
"This tree on the corner of Auckland and Dingle roads [in St Heliers] has blocked the public path for a long time and has attracted various labels but the latest takes the cake," writes Brian English. "One bough needs cutting off but instead they have blocked half the pathway. The walkway comes into serious use for Round the Bays as one of the return routes for the afters."
1. My house burned down on Christmas morning when I was a child. However, our Christmas tree was beneath my parents' waterbed on the top floor. It popped and soaked the presents, preventing them burning.
2. I was bike riding with my daughter on Friday the 13th and a black cat scurried in front of us. My daughter said something about bad luck, and I began to say it was only superstition when a bee flew into my mouth and stung me.
3. While travelling the south Oregon coast, I stopped at a petrol station/antique shop/dive diner for lunch. The owner was convinced I was Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad. Asked me several times, then watched me suspiciously the whole time I ate.