Amy Schumer has revealed a haunting truth about her past - that her first sexual experience was not consensual.
The 35-year-old comedian and actress told Marie Claire's August issue she didn't understand what had happened until she started reading her journal while working on her new memoir.
"When it happened, I wrote about it almost like a throwaway," she said.
"It was like, 'And then I looked down and realised he was inside me.' He was saying, 'I'm so sorry' and, 'I can't believe I did this.'"
The Trainwreck star, who was 17 at the time, has described the experience as "not a good one", but says she has no desire to punish the man who did it to her.
"This was 17 years ago," she told the magazine. "There are just so many factors."
Sadly, this isn't an isolated incident. Schumer also recalled being "ignored" by a former boyfriend when she tried to reject his sexual advances.
"I was saying 'No, stop' and it was just completely ignored."
While she says she doesn't consider herself a victim, Schumer fired up in the interview about society's attitude toward victims.
"You know, with the rape survivor, it's not just shaming, it's fury. It makes people so mad if you're not a perfect victim," she said.
During the interview, Schumer also opened up about her current boyfriend, Ben Hanisch and her fear of being in love.
She started dating the furniture designer last November and, since then, both have posted a series of loved-up Instagram photos.
But when asked to describe their relationship, Schumer replied with one word: "Scary."
"Being in love is the scariest thing in the world," she continued. "You just want to f**king cry and scream. I can't handle it. Every time we say goodbye, I think 'This will have been a nice last week together.' Or I tell myself nothing is real and he's going to leave me and tell me he never loved me. I feel so bad for him. How exhausting it must be dating me."
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Free national crisisline operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• ShineFree national helpline 9am- 11pm every day - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
• It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisisline 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz