Matty McLean’s personal battle: ‘I spent so much of my life feeling so undervalued’

TVNZ Breakfast presenter Matty McLean is returning to Treasure Island. Photo / Michael Craig

It’s hard not to fall under the Matty McLean spell. The Breakfast presenter is charismatic, charming, handsome and devilishly funny. But behind the antics that accompany your morning bowl of cornflakes is a man who has battled his own demons, from bearing the brunt of others’ homophobia to Barbara Kendall-shaped insecurities.

While sitting seaside with me in Fiji, on the set of Treasure Island Fans v Faves, one thing is abundantly clear – he’s a man fiercely determined to prove that he has absolutely nothing to prove.

“Redemption” is the first word to come out of the presenter’s mouth, recalling why he decided to head back to the island which first saw an emotional and “triggering” conclusion for the star on Celebrity Treasure Island.

A tearful McLean famously – so famous that it became a meme, a remix and a gif – declared “I don’t need to prove myself to Barbara Kendall!” after Kendall decided during the 2019 series that he didn’t possess valuable strength.

And while the presenter says it’s easy to laugh now, at the time the experience triggered something from McLean’s past that he wasn’t expecting, causing him to break down on television, reopen old wounds from his childhood and subsequently sob on the three-hour taxi ride back to the airport in Fiji.

“I spent so much of my life like feeling so undervalued when I was a kid,” a rejuvenated McLean revealed on a particularly scorching island morning.

“I grew up really struggling to have a lot of sense of worth, ‘cause, you know, I didn’t have the easiest go of things at school.”

The past trauma, played in part by growing up coming to grips with his own sexuality in 90s Aotearoa, coupled with an assumption from players in the game that McLean wasn’t “strong” caused him to battle with feeling he had to prove himself all over again.

Matty McLean is ready to return to Treasure Island. Photo / Matt Klitscher

“I think since then [school]. I’ve really felt this need constantly in so many different aspects of my life to prove that I’m good enough. So then when I got on that show and with that team, and there was someone like Barbara Kendall saying; ‘We want to protect the strong guys. We want to protect the strong members of our team. And you are not one of those people’, It just brought it back.”

McLean is quick to share that he doesn’t blame the Olympic windsurfer for her choice to not back him, but the decision was nonetheless “triggering” for the 2020 Television Personality of the Year award winner. “It brought back so many things. It was triggering. It was triggering for me in a way that I didn’t realise it would be.

“I thought I’d moved on from high school and left all that stuff in the past and maybe I hadn’t quite, maybe there were still things that I was carrying with me from that time of my life.”

The belief was intensified when captain Gary Freeman didn’t back McLean when he had an opportunity to save him, making McLean relive times in his life when others felt he wasn’t worth “investing in”.

“Gary had this mercy card that would’ve saved me from elimination and he chose not to use it on me. And that, that was the kind of straw-camel’s-back scenario for me. You could’ve kept me around - and I feel like I was worth keeping around, and you didn’t see that, so that was hard,” a passionate McLean said.

“It was just really triggering for me because it just brought it all flooding back. That sense of ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not worth investing in’.”

Although some might be quick to stick a “well that’s showbiz baby” label on the moment, McLean shares it’s just not that simple.

McLean last competed on the show in 2019. Photo / Supplied

“I think people forget too that just because it’s reality TV, doesn’t mean that they’re not real, raw emotions.

“It wasn’t necessarily because of the reality show losing kind of thing. It was just all that extra emotion that it brought back. But once I kind of settled into it, I was like, that’s where that line came from.”

McLean looks back on the moment proud that even in that intense environment he was able to realise that those 10 days don’t define his story.

“Why do I care? Like why do I care if Barbara Kendall thinks I’m strong or not, because I know. And like the people back home who I know and love know that. So, it actually doesn’t matter whether someone who I’ve known for 10 days in a reality show, thinks it or not. Because they don’t actually know me. So that’s where that came from.”

The line was turned into a remix, mixed with the song Barbra Streisand by Duck Sauce and viewed 20,000 times on Facebook alone. But those videos and resulting commentary are now something McLean is proud of, delivering an epic one-liner for the books.

“I find it very funny. If you’re going to be on a reality TV show, at least deliver a line, right?”

McLean says that with his return to Treasure Island, he's got nothing to prove. Photo / Michael Craig

“It was hard to feel like I could happily live life as the person I was”

But looking back to a childhood that wasn’t always the easiest to navigate or find joy in, McLean wishes he could go back and tell his younger self to “just enjoy life as the person that you are”.

“Because it was hard sometimes to feel like I could happily live life as the person I was.

“I would say just live . . . live life the way you want to live life. And eventually, it will all work out and you will find the people that love who you are.”

One of those people for McLean is veteran presenter John Campbell, with whom McLean recalls a touching moment during Campbell’s Breakfast departure.

“When John Campbell left Breakfast, he said this amazing thing to me. He said, ‘I remember the homosexual law reform in 1986 where people were trying to stop people from being who they were.’ And he was like, ‘and now you get to sit on national television every day, and we talk about Ryan and we talk about the fact that you’re getting married and the audience loves hearing about it.’

‘They’re happy to hear about it, they celebrate you.’ And he said, ‘it’s huge because I remember what it was like. To see how far we’ve come is amazing.’”

“We know that we’ve found the right person”

And even in three years since his last appearance on the island, McLean too has come far, relishing in others celebrating his love story.

It’s clear to see his heart is back home, with his soon-to-be husband (and now husband at the time of publishing) Ryan Teece.

In fact, Teece was the deciding factor in McLean heading to a remote island months before the big day.

“I called my partner as soon as I got off the phone from the producers and I said, ‘They’ve asked me to go back on Treasure Island,’ and he went, ‘Ah, well you’ve got to do it’.”

Real Estate agent Teece is the calm to the weatherman’s storm, something he is quick to share his gratitude for.

Matty McLean and Ryan Teece tied the knot on New Year's Eve 2022. Photo / Supplied

“I was single for such a long time. I spent my entire 20s single, basically a couple of very short, short relationships, but nothing ever really stuck.

“I just wanted to find someone who loved me for me, because I’m a lot,” McLean laughs. “And I finally found it. And that sounds so cheesy, but it’s true.

“There’s something so lovely about knowing that this person has been with me through so much over the past five years, and I’ve been with him through so much as well. We’ve been with each other and we still know that this is it. We know that we’ve found the right person and I’m really excited about it.”

McLean, who is playing this year for charity, the Zeal Education Trust, promises he didn’t leave his wedding preparations to not give it everything he’s got either. He’s here to win. “I’m so determined. I might not be the strongest, but you best believe, I’m going to bring it. Every single challenge. Push those barrels. I’m going to throw those balls. I’m going to run as fast as I can. And you know that with me you’re getting a team-mate who’s never going to quit.

“I’m not going to stop. I’ll give it my all. Even if I’m not the best I will play as hard as I can in every aspect.”

So does he have a game plan? According to McLean, that disappeared before the plane even touched down in Fiji.

“When I came here I was like, ‘I’ll be more chill this time. And that’s gone out the window already,” he says, laughing.

But when he does come off the island, with redemption or heartbreak, McLean knows Teece will be waiting for him, arms wide open, ready to walk into a future where he knows he’s accepted, loved, valued and 100 per cent invested in.

“I’m genuinely really excited about it, I’m excited about starting the next chapter.”