Big heart you say? Photo / Warner Bros. Discovery
OPINION:
Tonight’s episode of Married At First Sight NZ sees a shocking turn of events. One bride gaslights herself just days after claiming she’s been “gaslit” by her husband, while another bride is left bamboozled by her dad’s comment about her husband.
Make it make sense? Nah, it wouldn’t be MAFS if we did that.
Welcome back to the final week where we pop the champagne because it not only means we can taste freedom, but also because we get introduced to a bunch of family members who ask the questions we’ve been dying to ask all season, like how much KFC is too much KFC?
We start things off in Christchurch where Kara’s rounded up the dream team - her former detective father and her best friend to meet her husband Mike.
We expect to walk into a dark room with a table, two chairs and some handcuffs in case Detective Dad decides Mike has committed a crime of love. Instead, we visit a home that NZ House and Garden might want to feature in their next issue.
The first rule to being a good detective? Catch ‘em off guard.
“So,” Dad says, clearly needing a minute to get used to the fact that his “black, white and beige” loving daughter is now wearing purple. “What prompted you to make the decision to participate in Married At First Sight?”
“Ah, it was, like a decision,” Mike replies. He reads Dad’s face and realises he’s is less sold than a house in the current market. If Mike’s ever going to make a sale, he needs to put the razzle in razzle-dazzle - and stat.
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“But ultimately it was to come in here and find someone,” Mike adds.
He can smell the commission.
After receiving a praising smile from Dad, Mike forgets he is a Ray White property agent charming his client and decides to point out his wife’s flaws.
“You complain a little bit,” he tells Kara. “Just about minor things and I feel like when that’s happening it can create a context of negativity.”
Dad mimics the buyers in this market and walks.
Meanwhile, James and Sam are on a date in James’ town of Christchurch and they’re playing a bit of cricket. Unexpectedly, they make us feel the same way we do when watching a Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker scene on The Kardashians.
“You look bloody sexy,” James tells Sam as she drowns in his cricket gear.
“Is this a turn on for you?” she giggles.
Like all awkward moments, there must be a sobering reality and instead of someone screaming “ew guys! PDA!”, it’s Sam reminding us that because of custody agreements with the father of her five-year-old son, she can’t physically move to Christchurch and ultimately the future of their relationship depends on whether James wants to move to Auckland.
It’s more sobering than seeing Leo Molloy in the club on Saturday and realising these are your people now.
Moments later, they catch up with James’ friends and he tells them he’s open to moving. We all expect them to make a face and say “Oh, don’t do that. You’ll become a Jafa!” But instead, they’re silent, which is much more offensive.
Then, one cracks. “Have you spoken to the club yet here, cause they’re not going to let him go easily,” they say.
And you know what that means: approval. The sweet, sweet sound of knowing Auckland isn’t so bad after all.
We circle back to Kara’s Dad’s house, where Mike’s disappeared and Kara uses the opportunity to ask for opinions. Her bestie’s silence speaks louder than words ever could. And if that isn’t loud enough for you, the face he’s made will definitely clear things up.
As for Kara? She isn’t done throwing Mike under the bus yet. “He’s obviously done a lot of work to get to where he is and he’s sort of made me feel I haven’t done the work to get to that level,” she sighs.
“For example, I have eczema and he tells me it’s because of unresolved trauma.”
It’s all we need to hear before calling TAB and placing a bet on what Kara decides to do at her final vows.
Over in Hamilton, Piripi and Steph were enjoying Piripi’s home visit until Steph was given the shock of her life. “I didn’t realise I was meeting his family, let alone his mum,” she tells us.
We know how you feel, Steph. One time, we got home from work, and our flatmates were there.
The lunch goes well and we see sparks between Steph and Piripi that we haven’t seen all season. We’re confused, the producers are confused, but one person isn’t - Piripi’s mum.
“She’s great, she’s like the daughter I would love to have,” she tells us and for her sake, we hope it works out.
Over at Sam’s home town of New Plymouth, she’s introducing James to her family, and there’s only one question they have for the primary school teacher, “How do you feel about living with a five-year-old?”
We know this is James’ time to shine, we hand him the mic, put the spotlight on him and let him have his moment, “I mean…” he flounders. “He looks cute in the pictures?”
We silently hand him the ‘What Every Grandparent Wants to Hear Book for Dummies’.
Thankfully, through James’ nerves, he wins over his mother and father-in-law and Sam’s dad takes her outside for a quick chat. “He’s got to be basically prepared to be the third most important man in your life,” he tells her.
We suddenly lean into the TV. Third most important man? Huh. Is this the moment a secret boyfriend or husband comes out of the woodwork?
“After Kalin and me,” he continues.
Dads everywhere high-five.
Meanwhile, Mike and Kara are back in Auckland where Kara has somehow ended up playing The Chase. Mike’s The Beast and his sister is Bradley Walsh. As for Kara? She’s out $10,000.
“He’s got the biggest heart out of everyone I know,” his sister tells us and Mike eyes Kara knowingly.
“Kara thinks it’s a bit of a facade and she’s brought that up multiple times with my positivity,” he tells his sister.
“I don’t necessarily think it’s a facade, I just feel like there hasn’t been any other emotion,” Kara bites back - she’s back on the board.
“My question back to that is have you looked for it?” His sister means business, more business than when Mike allegedly tried to cut a deal to get his products mentioned in the show, and unlike Mike, she succeeds.
“I know it’s there, anyone in Mike’s life knows it’s there,” she says. We wait for Kara to say she’s being gaslit again. Instead, she gets a surprise.
“Just out of curiosity, are you genuinely curious about how he was growing up? Or are you struggling with how to naturally ask those questions?” she asks. “Is that actually something you’ve been open to finding out about him?”
And that’s how you lose The Chase.
Kara tells the confession cam, “Maybe I haven’t made enough of an effort to get under those layers, she has a good point.”
Meanwhile, Steph introduces Piripi to one of her closest friends, who spills the beans that she is a bit of a wild child. Unfortunately, we don’t get to hear any stories about how Steph came out of Danny Doolans at 2am, fell down the stairs and grazed her knees, instead we get “I can’t say that on TV”.
Booooo!
It doesn’t put off Piripi though, at the mention of wild child, he falls deeper into the love trenches and tells us, “I couldn’t take my eyes off her”, adding, “I think I’ve got more of a crush on her at the moment after she met my family, I love anyone that gets along with my mum because I love my mum.”
We’re starting to suspect a Freaky Friday has occurred and maybe Steph is Sam and Piripi is James.
Finally, Steph proves to be herself and kicks Piripi out to chat with her friend one-on-one. There, she raises all the same issues we’ve heard all season: age, stage, and stepping up.
Is this a salary review or a relationship recap? Either way, we’re asleep.
We end the episode with a question we all want to know the answer to - no, it’s not “when is the last episode of MAFS NZ?”
“I honestly think it would work if I gave it a go - it’s just like, do I want to give it a go?” Steph says.
And to that we say, you’ve got one episode and one reunion to figure it out, doll!
Married At First Sight New Zealand airs on Three and ThreeNow every Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.
Lillie Rohan is a London-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating.
The 61-year-old rocker and style icon will perform in New Zealand for the first time.