The gasp heard ‘round Trash Tower.
A MAFS bride’s sister calls with an urgent message about the man she just married. Meanwhile, one wife’s stalking history pushes her husband to flee. James Weir recaps.
Secret tapes rocked Married At First Sight on Tuesday night when a bride discovers her husband is a fatphobic misogynist, a groom admits he doesn’t want to pay for a random kid’s school fees despite marrying a mum, and another bride confesses to stalking an ex at midnight while eating a Magnum from the servo.
It’s the inaugural Revelations Week – a fresh new way for producers to torture the freaks living in Trash Tower.
Fun fact: When Mafs eventually ends and Trash Tower is no longer needed, government protocol demands the building site must remain dormant for five years so the toxic contamination can neutralise – just like an abandoned petrol station.
While explaining the benefits of Revelations Week, expert John Aiken continues to gaslight us.
“It’s to build connection!” he cheers.
Lies. Revelations Week is all about exposing everyone’s dark secrets. Why? To humiliate them and destroy their chances of ever finding love.
Like, we’re totally not opposed to this. We actually encourage it. But let’s at least be real about it, John.
Whose dreams will we destroy first? Brooke and Chris!
The supermodel and the fatphobic groom have been enjoying each other’s company over the past week. But Brooke doesn’t seem to know the real Chris – the one who makes his potential girlfriends do weekly weigh-ins like they’re on The Biggest Loser.
So we fling her an iPad and press play on her husband’s secret audition tape.
Within seconds, footage shows him describing his turn-ons: “Dumb and hot. For a relationship? No. For sex? Yes.”
Turn-offs? “Fat people. Fake tan, needy and fat people.”
We watch as Brooke slowly realises the dark truth behind her husband.
“I’m f*****’ appalled,” she gasps. “That’s disgusting. That is severely immature.”
She storms out to the living room where her husband is lazing on the sectional sofa.
“If I saw that at the beginning, I wouldn’t even look at you,” she tells him. “I wouldn’t even give you a chance. You’re 31 and you shouldn’t be speaking about people like that.”
Chris offers a very reasonable defence.
“I’ve said it to guys but I’d never go out of my way to say it to a woman!” he reasons.
Yeah! He’s a gentleman – he just says vulgar things behind their backs, on national television.
“That’s not better!” she screams.
Turns out, Chris’ turn-offs are a turn off for Brooke.
“I’m a little icked,” she tells him, evicting herself from Trash Tower.
She frantically calls her sister, who issues a stern warning: “You should run. Just get out.”
This show has been airing for 12 years with three experts and only now is some good advice finally being issued – and it’s coming from a random sister on loudspeaker.
Destroying marriages is satisfying and addictive. So we skip down the hall and burst into Bec and Danny’s suite.
As per the rules of Revelations Week, they must answer any question we ask, like: what’s one thing you asked the experts for but didn’t get?
Danny answers a little too quickly: “Really high sexual chemistry.”
We immediately cut to Bec’s face.
As if things couldn’t get worse, we hand them a bunch of their co-stars’ photos and tell them to do the Hot Or Not challenge.
Producers are hoping to trap Danny with this task. They want him to rank Bec’s enemy Gia in first place – solidifying the allegations that he was checking her out at last night’s cocktail party.
Instead, he avoids the task completely and opts for a copout disguised as an act of respect. He plucks out the headshot of his wife and plonks it down on the table, before grabbing the rest of the photos and throwing them off the balcony.
“I’m not going to rank none of ‘em,” he declares heroically.
On the street below, cars smash into telephone poles and careen onto the footpath as all the headshots of the freaks tumble down and land on windscreens.
We catch the lift up to the presidential suite to check in on Gia and Scott. We walk in just as he ranks the headshot of Gia’s nemesis Bec in last place.
Gia feels vindicated.
“She’s average. She’s a five – I’ve said it all along,” she shrugs.
But just when you get a little too cocky on this show, producers have a way of crashing you back down to reality.
Gia is tossed an iPad with Scott’s secret audition tape ready to play.
The footage begins to roll and we hear a producer ask if he wants kids.
“Yes and no … I’ve got no stress, I’ve got freedom, I got all the money in the world and I can do whatever I want,” he grunts proudly about his bachelor lifestyle.
And what about if he’s matched with a woman who has a kid?
He scrunches his nose.
“If there’s a kid and they’re old enough to look after themselves and I don’t have to pay any more school fees, I’d consider it,” he shrugs.
Gia’s world starts spinning out of control. Scott has been telling her he’ll love and support her 8-year-old daughter like she’s his own. But how’s he going to do that if he refuses to use his jetski empire fortune to buy her a couple of books for school?
“I feel a bit sick … ugh!” Gia sobs. “I’ve got a f*****’ 8-year-old. F***! What am I sacrificing everything for?”
Oh, Gigi. We don’t know what to say to make you feel better. At least Bec’s still a five out of 10?
Scott lumbers back out to the living room. He can’t imagine why his wife is so upset.
“You got mad about possibly having to pay school fees for a child!” she blurts out.
He tries to backtrack but she cuts him off.
“You don’t want someone with kids. Just be f*****’ real and tell me that. What about all the times you’ve said, ‘I have a spare room – you can use it as your makeup room’? Well, I have a f*****’ kid. Where am I going to put her? In the garage?”
Gia, don’t be silly. Your daughter can’t live in the garage – all Scott’s jetskis are in there! Maybe we can find a half-empty closet to store her in?
Gia’s on a roll and Scott lets her vent. He’s determined to show how much he cares about his wife and her child.
“What’s her daughter’s name?” a conniving producer asks him.
Scott’s face drops. His eyes dart around the room.
“Oh s***,” he mutters. “… I forgot.”
But he can tell you the exact service history of every jetski in his repair shop.
Because he’s a gentleman, he plonks her in first place. Other, less polite, people may have opted to scrunch up her photo and slam dunk it into the toilet.
Mel doesn’t appreciate his kindness. She rolls her eyes and slumps – annoyed that there’s now pressure on her to reciprocate the gesture which, of course, she doesn’t.
Luke’s hurt. But Mel has a legitimate reason for not ranking her husband first.
“One thing I asked the experts for but didn’t get is Bradley Cooper,” she explains.
The revelations keep coming.
“The most shocking thing I did after a break-up was get in the car with my friend and drive past his house multiple times during the night to make sure he was home,” she tells Luke. “We’d go to the servo and get a treat. Then do laps. We love to stalk.”
The producers really should’ve scored this moment with the screeching violins from Psycho.
Luke is freaked out. After a week of being ignored and criticised by his wife, this stalking revelation is the final straw.
He refuses to sleep in the same apartment tonight. He packs his bags and runs screaming from Trash Tower.
Where’s he going to stay? No doubt, Mel will go for a little late-night drive to find out – stalking her husband while eating a Magnum from the servo.
Married At First Sight Australia screens Sundays to Wednesdays on Three and Three Now