Another TV marriage bites the dust. Photo / Channel 9
Another TV marriage bites the dust. Photo / Channel 9
One Married At First Sight wife is suddenly dumped on Tuesday after using her final vow renewal ceremony to publicly eviscerate her own husband in a move that backfires faster than an OTT gender reveal stunt.
"I doubt he'll see this coming. And I doubt he'll like hearing it," thewife informs us of her grand plan ahead of the ceremony.
And she's right. He does not like hearing it. He dislikes it so much that he then tells her something she won't like hearing. And she also doesn't see that coming. Ah. There's such an artful symmetry to the bad behaviour on this show. The bottom line is: There are Tracy Jewel-certified blime-fibes comin' in hot from all angles tonight.
Georgia's still reeling after Liam informed her in front of everyone at last week's dinner party that his family and friends will … uh, what were his words again? Oh, that's right: "Hate her". In lieu of any legitimate expert advice provided on the show, she turns to her mum, who immediately proves she should replace John Aiken or, at the very least, run an Instagram account offering motivational advice memes.
"You have to call out unacceptable behaviour. He hasn't been lifting you up. He has been systematically eating away at your confidence and eroding your self esteem," mum says.
Honestly, Georgia's mum could've saved Melissa from a lifetime of pain. John Aiken never offers this kind of pragmatic advice. And he certainly doesn't have fun statement eyewear.
As if John Aiken could pull off animal print. Photo / Channel 9
Meanwhile, in a forest off the side of a highway somewhere, Jake and Bec are coming face-to-face at their own vow renewal ceremony.
Producers are just getting lazy with the vows they're writing for the contestants — they're not even switching up the formula. This is the blueprint: Compliment, compliment, compliment … HOWEVER … [insert criticism here] … BUUUUT … I'm staying with you!
We're not here for compliments, so let's jump straight to the criticism.
"You've said some things to me that have been hurtful," Jake tells his wife. "You were rude condescending and cold. I just couldn't figure out why someone would be like that. I didn't feel wanted or even liked."
Wow, it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. You should probably dump-
"There's a part of me that's in love with you!" he concludes.
OK. That makes no sense but whatever. Alrighty, you're up, The Sasshole.
She follows the script. Compliment, compliment. "HOWEVER. You looked at me like sex on a stick!"
Jake purses his lips, preparing to get dumped.
BUUUT… psych! "I'm not ready to walk away. I'm all in," she mumbles.
Ahahahaha. Classic, The Sasshole.
This flower archway will have a longer lifespan than their relationship. Photo / Channel 9
Across town, in a random backyard, it's time for Patrick and Belinda's ceremony. Guys, c'mon. Let's not even pretend there's any suspense here.
We'll admit, on day one, we never could've predicted Belinda's fashion-forward flair that would later emerge. But this marriage? This marriage has been locked in from the start.
"I was sh*tting chicken nuggets everywhere," Patrick tells his wife.
Great. This show has ruined love and marriage — and now it's also ruined chicken nuggets.
Thanks, guys. THANKS. Photo / Channel 9
Ugh, after witnessing all these couples choosing to stay together, it's time for us to watch as a marriage falls apart before our eyes. It's called light and shade.
Georgia is feeling empowered after receiving the advice from her mum, and she arrives at the ceremony feeling confident with her decision. This feeling only escalates when Liam reads his vows and declares his love. She's back on top and she's going to use this moment to make a statement.
She follows the vow formula as per the producers' instructions. Compliment, compliment, compliment. HOWEVER …
"At the dinner party, without warning, you turned on me, you humiliated me and you degraded me," she recites it all from memory while glaring at her husband.
"I've never felt so small, inadequate and confused. The next day, I was met with hospitality. You gaslighted me, you manipulated the blame and you tried to put your insecurities onto me. I know who I am, and I will not accept that behaviour now or ever."
She then starts rattling off a bunch of armchair psychology that she probably stole from her mum's motivational Insta memes and we immediately zone out.
She had so much to say she had to write it down on a scroll. Photo / Channel 9
Sooo. Is he dumped? At first we think so, but then she adds a twist to the vow formula by adding another, "HOWEVER …".
"I'm giving you another chance. I forgive you," she smiles.
Liam exhales. Let's just say he has some thoughts and feelings.
Brace ya-self, Georgia. Photo / Channel 9
"Um. Yes, I love you … but hearing those vows. You don't know me. You don't know me at all," he snips before grilling her about why she never brought up these issues before the ceremony. "Now I get here at final vows and you wanna show me how it is? So, don't forgive me. Don't. As much as I want to make this work, that just shows you don't know me. So let's just call it quits."
He storms off just as Georgia's note cards drop to the floor. She rips off her ring and flicks it onto the marble tiles.
Wow. We're surprised her mum's advice didn't work. She really is just as qualified as the MAFS experts.
