KEY POINTS:
Danielle Cormack looks upset. The tips of her French manicure are threatening to burst the stress-ball that is ballooning in and out in her hand.
"Do I make myself clear, Derek?" she hisses down the phone. "Do. I. Make. My. Self. Clear ... Derek?"
We're on the set
of TV One's new local drama, Rude Awakenings, watching an imaginary bank manager get a rude awakening from Cormack's character, Dimity Rush.
So far, if there's anything to like about this fictitious HR manager, it's her blond bob. But Cormack doesn't want to talk hair.
"I try not to put so much emphasis on it," says the usually curly-maned actor, still sporting her Dimity 'do.
"My hair has always been such a big thing. But for people to believe in the programme and believe in the character is more important, because it's not about the hair."
What it is about is a tale all too familiar to Auckland ears: the effects on people's lives when a suburb is gentrified. Like the Montagues and the Capulets living side by side in Ponsonby, it's a dramedy that combines the sitcom staple of neighbourly conflict with the pitfalls of property, dastardly real estate agents and all.
Although creator Garth Maxwell gives credit to Outrageous Fortune for revitalising local drama, he says that the humour in Rude Awakenings is "a little drier, a little blacker".
Desperate Househusbands, perhaps.
The show is particularly timely given that Auckland's house prices now rate among the highest in the world.
"In the holy grail of Auckland real estate, it's about having arrived. There's a certain smugness that we satirise."
Dimity's family, of the nouveau riche brigade, have moved from their lifestyle block in Kumeu to a swept-up villa in Ponsonby.
Next door is Arthur Short (Paddy Wilson), a leftie labourer who has lived in his rundown rental for 20 years. When the owner puts the house on the market, Dimity decides that buying it is as essential as her personal trainer. But Arthur doesn't plan on moving, despite his wife running off with another woman. And so the ruckus between them begins.
"The main themes are to do with the accumulation of wealth, trying to hold on to your identity as it's tied up with property and location, and how you treat people," says Maxwell, who really does live in Ponsonby.
The idea came to him when the neighbour's house went on the market, and he started thinking about what it would be like to play landlord to the people next door. The name Dimity Rush came about "like a flash of lightning. Dimity has this soft, recessive submissive sort of quality, a doing-embroidery feeling to me. And she's anything but ... Rush - well, fools rush in," Maxwell says.
Producer Michele Fantl says: "The other theme is how women rule New Zealand. With Dimity Rush, anything's possible. Her poor husband is comfortable, and he would have quite liked to stay out in Kumeu, but she's dragging him forward."
Initially, Cormack wasn't sure about playing an older, married woman with a teenage son.
"I didn't feel naturally connected with her ... You ask me to play a psycho murderer, I'd probably find that a lot easier.
"But it's amazing how many people have said to me, 'I know Dimity' or 'My flatmate's like that' or 'My sister-in-law ...'
"This is what I defend about her: she's completely honest. She does say what's on her mind and as much as some people claim that they do, they don't."
Even so, nearly everyone who has flatted in the greater Grey Lynn area has a Pon-snob story.
It isn't hard to root for the underdog or scoff when Dimity parks her larger-than-life SUV.
As a result, Maxwell and producer Fantl fear they might be "run out of Ponsonby" for poking fun at those wealthy enough to own property there.
Thanks to co-writers Stephanie Johnson and Fiona Samuel, says Maxwell, these aren't stereotypical characters - they want us to like Dimity. So we will see a nicer side to her personality, just as we'll see a darker, criminal side to Arthur's. We'll also get to scoff at him sculling beers with his useless mate, Ralph.
Maxwell describes his own house as a "rattly old villa that's had a few goes at being done up". In other words, he isn't about to take sides.
"With his socialist perspective, Arthur is carrying a hell of a lot of baggage and he undermines his own position so often.
"Dimity likewise. She's always shooting herself in the foot and can never really maintain her right-wing stance without showing the softer sides of her character. There's a sympathy developed by those contradictions. We were aiming for a bit more complexity and subtlety than that might suggest."
Cormack agrees: "Dimity is the antagonist. She starts dividing stories and communities, she stirs things up. But she's also incredibly proactive.
"I don't think she's cruel, she just doesn't really sit around long enough to realise she's hurting people. She's one of those people who genuinely means well and wants what's best for her family. It just comes from a really self-obsessed place."
The rest of the characters aren't without their daily dramas, either.
Dimity's anaesthetist husband Stuart (Carl Bland) was bullied into the move by his headstrong wife, and the only comfort their teenage son, Julian (Jaxin Hall) can find after being uprooted from his friends is the surly girl next door. She's Amber (Hannah Tasker-Poland), a dance student whose teacher makes her life hell. Younger sister Constance (Rose McIver) is smart, manipulative and a bit weird.
"There's some pretty heavy buffets that chuck our characters around as the series progresses," Maxwell says. "They really do have to work out who they are regardless of which street they live in."
Part of the fun is looking out for those very streets and Ponsonby landmarks. The show's creators initially tried to find two suitable Ponsonby villas side by side, but found it too hard to get an affluent house in which they could film for the 28-week production.
Instead, they rented a run-down house in Wanganui Ave off Jervois Rd, in nearby Herne Bay, for Arthur's house and used the the renovated one next door - with the owner's permission - for exterior shots.
The Rush house interior was built from scratch.
With its cleanly painted walls, smooth, wooden floors and minimal decor, it's the antithesis of Arthur's shabby-chic villa.
"My house is run-down, it has a few holes and gaps," says Wilson, "but I really like it - it's got a really lived-in feel compared with the ones you see in Home & Garden where nothing is out of place.
"I just love those old places with their big, comfy old sofas, where you can come in and relax and you don't feel as though you're on display."
It's hoped that those outside Latte Land will find plenty of humour in Rude Awakenings.
"I think the word Ponsonby stimulates quite an aggressive response in the rest of the country," says Maxwell. "It's like a burr under their skin and we want to capitalise on that in the sense that it's a local version of what's happening in any city. "Gentrification is rife. That and the gardening craze, issues of population density, it's all come to a head. It's happening all over the country."
House Lowdown
What: Rude Awakenings, a new local drama about the haves and the must-haves living side-by-side in Ponsonby.
When: February 9, 8.30pm, TV One