She doesn't know this (yet) but my Aunt Rachelle made a big impression on me when I was a little girl. She always treated me like a person, not a child, and she made being creative seem like a viable way to live. I remember one day when I pointed out that my fingers weren't "nice and straight" (apparently I thought they should have been) and she said to me: "You have artistic hands; they are capable, they make things." I was proud of them after that.
The last thing that made me go "wow" was something I read this morning in a book about the life of people in Ancient Greece. Women had virtually no civil rights and were regarded as children, intellectually. Part of what made Lysistrata a comedy when it was written (411BC) was the "idea" that women had any capacity for reason or self-direction - the men watching the play would have found this hilarious.
I cannot bear eating liver and kidney. I remember once in our school cafeteria they served up something I thought was beef schnitzel. One big bite and I realised from the crumbly texture and gassy taste that I was chewing liver. I spat it straight out on to my plate.
There's an adventurer inside me for sure. Not the kind that climbs things or jumps off them. She hasn't made much of an appearance in my life so far though. But I do want to travel more, especially to places that don't feel completely comfortable.
The terrible things that people have said to me in anger in the past only hurt me because I agreed with them.
These days I am focusing on being aware of angry feelings and letting them be without reacting to them by being passive aggressive, using sarcasm or by shutting down (my usual "weapons"). It's really challenging, because old habits die hard.
Amanda Billing performs in Lysistrata, at the Q Theatre, Auckland, from July 30 to August 23.
- Canvas
