The stars of TVNZ's Give Us a Clue, episode 1; Suzy Cato, Kerre McIvor, team captain Hilary Barry, host Paula Bennett, Lily McManus, Frank Bunce, team captain Tom Sainsbury and The Topp Twins.
The stars of TVNZ's Give Us a Clue, episode 1; Suzy Cato, Kerre McIvor, team captain Hilary Barry, host Paula Bennett, Lily McManus, Frank Bunce, team captain Tom Sainsbury and The Topp Twins.
Paula Bennett, former Deputy Prime Minister of New Zealand, proud Westie, on-the-record opposer of tougher gun laws and hypocritical benefit-slasher during her two terms in government as the Minister of Social Development and Employment, is now the host of the worst game show on TV.
It's called Give Usa Clue but, really, Give Us a Break would've been more apt.
Older readers will remember Give Us a Clue as the dusty old show where two teams play charades against each other. Younger readers won't have a clue why anyone would possibly want to watch people play charades.
Well, I've watched the show, which starts Wednesday night, 7.30pm on TVNZ 1, and I sure as heck can't work it out either. The game was a popular pastime back in the early 19th century, but that's only because television hadn't been invented yet. Once TV came along it was time to silently wave goodbye to charades.
But in this life you mime the movie title you're dealt, and a charades revival hosted by a widely disliked former politician of a widely disliked political party that's stagnating at a lowly 28.7 per cent popularity is - apparently - what TVNZ believes will resonate with viewers.
Where can I get what they're smoking? Because at this point I'm convinced it's either a) a television exec praying for a huge flop so as to float away from the state broadcaster on a golden parachute or b) a giant troll.
Think about it; Give Us a Clue is a show that prevents everyone except Paula Bennett from talking. What kind of bad joke is this?
Still, you have to admire Bennett's chutzpah in attempting one of the most ambitious and audacious rebrands in television history. And you can't begrudge anyone for trying to make a living. It's tough out there and you'd hate to see her back on a benefit.
So let's put aside Bennett's political baggage and instead look at her solely as a game show host.
Honestly, you can't say she isn't giving it the good ol' Kiwi go. She's enthusiastic in both hosting and enunciating and speaks as if. there's. a. full. stop. after. every. word. as her constantly moving eyebrows threaten to leap off her face. She also inexplicably winks at you after every second sentence.
Paula Bennett, enthused host of charades game show Give Us a Clue on TVNZ.
She won't ever win a Billy T award for her comedic asides but she's confident and pleasingly bilingual, effortlessly slipping in te reo Māori during her links. Ka pai, Paula Bennett.
When the show starts the first words you hear are: "There's fun, there's hilarity and a good chance of shame." Well, one out of three is nothing to shout about. At no point was it hilarious, it wasn't much fun but I did feel shame watching it.
At least the celebs looked like they were having fun. They wildly wiggled their arms, high fived, or, in the case of ex-reality show contestant Lily McManus, repeatedly threw themselves on the floor as they mimed out phrases or song titles.
Lily McManus miming on Give Us a Clue. Screening on TVNZ from Wednesday. Photo: Supplied.
But their fun never became my fun. There were no stakes. Nothing to get behind. The two teams weren't playing for anything except bragging rights. And who cares about that? Why not have them playing for charities? That would give the show purpose and ensure at least a little good comes out of it.
No prizes for guessing what Hilary Barry's miming on Give Us a Clue.
But no. Instead, it's the antiquated Girls vs Boys concept. Go Team Peen, I guess. Although to the show's credit this was slightly subverted by having The Topp Twins on the boys team as their Ken and Ken characters.
Ken from The Topp Twins giving his team mates a clue.
They were joined by former All Black Frank Bunce and team captain Tom Sainsbury, the comedian whose hugely popular, softly satirical, Instagram impersonations of Bennett played a large part in her reinvention. Just like Dr Frankenstein, Sainsbury inadvertently created a monster.
In this first episode they faced Aotearoa's aunty, Hilary Barry, and her formidable female team of Newstalk ZB's vivacious host Kerre McIvor, the effervescent Suzy Cato and the aforementioned McManus, whose outfit looked like she'd borrowed it from Barbarella.
At least she'd made an effort. Bunce in T-shirt and jeans looked like he'd popped out to the dairy to get some milk, got lost and instead wandered on set.
Frank Bunce, former All Black, current mime.
Give Us a Clue is branded as a "family show," but large swathes were totally inappropriate for younger kids. There's Aunty Hils shouting 'Bang the virgin!", Ken miming the milking of a woman's breasts, McIvor exclaiming "dick pic!", the whole boys team yelling "piss!" repeatedly and reference to cunnilingus. I'm no prude but I also don't want to explain any of that to my 6-year-old. Either be a family show or don't. Pick a lane.
Kerre McIvor gets it right on Give Us a Clue.
The whole thing also looks and feels spectacularly cheap but, as stated, times are tough and it's better to see ourselves on the box than air time being given to another re-run of The Chase.
But is that a good enough reason to watch? I'll give you a clue; it's one syllable and sounds like, "oh".
