One MAFS husband unleashes a stream of offensive comments about his wife’s looks — telling her to "level up".
OPINION:
The annual Hot Or Not challenge on Married At First Sight ends in – gasp! – absolute disaster when contestants are forced to rank the other husbands and wives from hottest to … well, nottest.
This annual ranking is something we all look forward to. It’s right up there with The Australia Day Honours List and Time magazine’s Most Influential People. The MAFS Hot Or Not List has the ability to make or break your marriage – and self-esteem.
But while hearts are broken and egos bruised, there’s only one true victim in all of tonight’s drama: the Coles bakery cake that’s dragged into the middle of Bronte and Harrison’s latest feud.
Last night’s first dinner party for the year led to yet another fight between Bronte and Harrison. And this morning, as all the couples move into the dank apartments at Trash Tower where they will reside for the next three months, the argument continues.
“I was CRYING,” Bronte monologues to herself while unpacking her things in the couple’s new matrimonial crap shack. “He didn’t even ask me if I was alright. I need him to acknowledge that he’s hurt me and why.”
Right on cue, Harrison comes through the front door. He walks delicately into the kitchen and carefully places a small white bakery box on the counter.
“I got you a cake today,” he says, his voice soft and sweet. “I walked past this place that had the most AMAZING cakes in the window. And I thought of you and thought I’d get you something.”
He really thinks he can trick us by pretending to be the nice guy? Not gonna happen, Harrison. Now get out! But leave the cake.
Bronte hesitantly walks over to the counter and peers down into the box at the peace offering. It looks like one of those Coles bakery cakes that gets discounted at the end of the day. Now, we’re in no way suggesting Harrison tampered with the cake but, for some reason, it’s impossible to stop thinking about Snow White getting poisoned by that apple. Or those school bullies in She’s All That who put pubes on that guy’s pizza. Anyway, Bronte knows not to eat the cake.
“Um … you wanna CHAT about anything?” she raises her eyebrows.
Harrison blime-fibes her by flipping the tables again.
“I think there’s A LOT of things we should talk about,” he says, as if his wife has been causing a world of trouble that needs to be discussed.
Oh he’s good. He should present one of those online Masterclass courses about gaslighting.
“I cried and you didn’t come to see if I was OK,” Bronte spells it out for him.
He squints, as if trying to recall a hazy memory from years ago. “I didn’t see you crying,” he shakes his head.
“You saw me leave with the girls CRYING,” Bronte raises her voice. “Everyone saw me crying!”
Harrison stays calm. “I didn’t. If I saw you crying I would’ve asked if you were OK,” he shrugs.
Everything is going according to Harrison’s plan. Phase One of Operation Gaslight is complete and we’ve transitioned smoothly into Phase Two, which involves Bronte becoming so frustrated she completely flips out in retaliation and winds up looking like the insane one. What’s Phase Three? It involves Bronte being wheeled out of Trash Tower in a straitjacket while Harrison shakes his head and sighs something like, “I tried so hard … but I guess you can’t save someone who just doesn’t wanna be saved”.
In the kitchen, Harrison doubles down on the innocence.
“I’m sitting here, very rationally trying to have this discussion with you,” he says. “It’s amazing that you’ve turned this entire thing into something about Bronte.” Then he lets his voice crack a little. “I’m also going through a lot of things at the moment.” Nice touch.
Bronte storms off in exasperation, locks herself in the bedroom and starts yelling things out in an attempt to have the last word through the wall.
“Well, I tried, yet again,” Harrison lets out a defeated exhale. “The only way to have a discussion now is for the experts to hold Bronte accountable.”
The cake sits unnoticed on the benchtop and continues to get more stale with each passive aggressive comment.
None of the other couples are arguing over end-of-day discount baked goods. But that could all change with the introduction of the Hot Or Not challenge. It’s heartwarming to know that, because of this show, schoolchildren across the country will probably be playing it at little lunch tomorrow.
This task is all part of Honesty Week. And, look … after several years of watching this show, most of the contestants know to always rank their spouse in first place. Non-negotiable. Still, there are some people who treat this game like it’s a legally binding exercise that could end in jail time if they don’t maintain an offensive level of honesty.
Before the challenge, we watch as Shannon tells expert Mel Schilling that he has learnt a lot from this show about how to be honest without being ...
“An asshole,” he nods.
Armed with headshots of all the wives, Shannon goes ahead and places high-powered businesswoman Melinda in first place, followed by Claire.
" … Like, if you picked them up, you wouldn’t be complaining showin’ ‘em off to ya mates,” he grunts about the women while grinning at his wife, waiting for her to high-five him in agreeance.
Yep. What he told Schilling was correct. He has DEFINITELY learnt a lot from this show.
Where does Shannon place his wife? In the second spot. OK, not as bad as we thought.
Oh, wait. Turns out there has been some miscalculations on the judging panel and Shannon is forced to strip his wife of second place and drop her a few spots.
He can sense Caitlin’s heartbreak and he rushes to defend himself.
“I’m just getting all the honesties out – I think that’s the logic of the task,” he explains.
Mmmhmmmm. Mmhhhhmmmm. Yeah, real logical. Thanks for jerk-splaining it to us. You should go down the hall and bond with Harrison over discounted Coles cake.
Shannon simply doesn’t know why his wife is so upset. He takes a beat and reminds himself of how to deliver honest feedback without being an asshole. He looks into Caitlin’s eyes with a caring smile and places a hand on hers before explaining the reason behind his ranking decisions.
“I haven’t seen these girls without make-up and I have seen you without make-up,” he nods.
She rips her hand out from under his and turns away. He talks over her sobs to offer some words of encouragement.
“You have potential to level up!” he says before pointing to the headshots of Melinda and Claire. “Their natural beauty shines more than yours.”
Honestly, Caitlin, we have no idea why you’re so insulted. You should be thanking your husband for taking the time to provide constructive feedback. And then you should get “level up” tattooed on your body, as a reminder.
“There’s girls that I’ve seen that are more attractive than Caitlin and I’m not just gonna put her second to be nice,” Shannon concludes his stream of insults.
This game is so fun. Play it tomorrow with your colleagues!
Meanwhile, two random strangers called Alyssa and Duncan are doing the letter writing challenge – where they have to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets to each other in a handwritten note. Alyssa starts choking on tears before she can even read hers aloud.
“I was complicit in an affair,” she sobs to her husband. “I was the other woman. And I knew that he was married.”
Oh, sweetie! Sorry, we don’t mean to smile – we’re not laughing AT you. It’s just … affairs on this show are not a big deal. No one cares! There’s probably three going on at the moment. Don’t feel guilty about your past. You’re in the right place! Here, have some Coles cake.
As we roam the hallways of Trash Tower, stealing everyone’s mail, we start to hear a really annoying noise – like a whirling aircon or … Jesse shushing Claire. We throw everyone’s mail in the bin and follow the sound right into one of the apartments where we find Shannon crying in Caitlin’s arms. Wow. Maybe he’s feeling guilty about all the atrocious things he said to Caitl ...
“I’m stilling thinking about my ex!” he sobs, after Caitlin caught him on a secret phone call to his former flame. “I hate the fact I’m saying this but I still love her!”
After the day she’s had, Caitlin is beyond the emotions of anger and upset. All she can do is roll her eyes.
Over at Gaslighters R Us, Harrison sits down with Bronte to do the Hot Or Not challenge.
“Based on physical attraction – I’m being one hundred per cent honest …” Bronte holds her husband’s headshot in her hands and deliberates its placement.
We cross our fingers and pray that she’ll let pettiness rule her decision but she instead opts for kindness, placing Harrison in second.
Huh. Sweet. Maybe things will actually work out for these tw ...
“This attitude that you’re displaying is very disrespectful to me and my feelings,” Harrison informs his wife as yet another argument ignites.
Naw. Cute. Harrison thinks he has feelings.
“I’m hurt!” Bronte hits back.
He shrugs. “Well it’s very unattractive.”
Yeah, Bronte. Stop being upset. It won’t bode well for you in the prestigious Hot Or Not challenge. Haven’t you heard? Points are deducted for showing emotion and letting your husband see you without make-up.
The Kiwi actor has been part of the Star Wars universe for more than 20 years.