A fiery clash has boiled over between several MAFS wives during a boozy getaway. James Weir recaps.
A fiery clash has boiled over between several MAFS wives during a boozy getaway. James Weir recaps.
Opinion by James Weir
OPINION:
Married At First Sight producers scramble to confiscate all the glassware as several wives clash during a boozy party on Tuesday night’s episode that swirls into a dizzying spiral of he-said-she-said … or, freak-said-freak-said.
We also trade in the experts and get some logical advice from Claire’s deck of fairy cards.
Finally! Some solid fact-based information on this series.
High-octane drama is underway from the opening moments of the episode when Melinda and Evelyn ditch the girls’ night and army-crawl through a garden to go spy on the boys’ night. Butt-dial? That’s so last week. We now go old-school when we wanna eavesdrop.
The ladies lock crosshairs on their targets at the perfect time: Harrison is manipulating Layton into talking about his wife Melinda. We don’t for one second believe the producers helped co-ordinate this coincidence.
“I hope you can appreciate that I’m willing to risk offending you …” Harrison begins.
What a thoughtful way to start an insult! It’s the straight white male version of: “I don’t wanna be a b**ch, but …”
He continues: “From what I see, some of the behaviour you’ve described to me from Melinda definitely fits the bill of a toxic relationship.”
Melinda’s so miffed by what she hears she almost knocks over a garden gnome.
“What the hell! F***ing Harrison,” she scream-whispers.
Indeed.
This is the last straw. Melinda furiously army-crawls back out of the garden and sprints across the dewy lawn, back to the girls’ night so she can dob on that no-good Harrison for meddling in her relationship — even though she herself meddled in Bronte and Harrison’s relationship just moments earlier.
Of course, when Melinda breathlessly relays the intel, Bronte dismisses it and runs out of the girls’ night to go tattle to Harrison that Melinda spied on the boys’ night. He then runs and dobs on Melinda to her husband Layton. Then it comes full circle with Layton confronting his wife and her accomplice for spying on the boys.
We’re left out of breath and dizzy and wondering if it’s too late to start watching Australian Idol instead. All this freak-said-freak-said drama is stressing us out. Let’s go annoy Tayla while she sleeps.
If you don’t get up right now we’re gonna go through your sex bag.
Tayla is actively ignoring her husband Hugo, who is still reeling from the revelation that his wife has been receiving sexts from her ex.
“Do you want to talk about anything?” he asks her.
“No,” she grunts, rolling over and covering her head with the blanket.
Love and marriage.
In the kitchen, Harrison mingles around the coffee machine with Layton and begins the morning by cheerfully getting an early start on his gaslighting. He lies and says that Bronte was inconsolable after Melinda’s antics last night. He then skips upstairs, hands Bronte a lukewarm latte and makes up another lie about Layton describing his marriage to Melinda as toxic. Satisfied with his fibs, he looks out the window at the sprawling Southern Highlands and smiles. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and everything is on track for complete destruction.
Bronte springs out of bed and kisses her husband on the cheek. Harrison’s lie about Layton and Melinda has really put a pep in her step. After all, the only thing better than that first cup of coffee in the morning is an unexpected morsel of gossip about a mutual enemy. A little game of tit for tat has presented itself and it’s too good to pass up. She saunters down to the living room and smugly informs Melinda that she knows about her sucky marriage.
“Lleyton told Harrison that the relationship isn’t good and that it’s not going in a good direction,” she smirks.
And just like that, our game of freak-said-freak-said fires back up. Melinda runs to Layton and tells him what happened. They pledge to destroy him like he’s a Powerpuff Girl villain.
Guys, c’mon, sit a little closer together — you’re not Tayla and Hugo.
Meanwhile, Claire summons everyone else to the lawn where she has laid down some witchy blankets and crystals. She then splays out a deck of … “fairy cards”.
Looks legit.
“These cards are really powerful,” she says earnestly. “They show you ways to reaffirm, to manifest. They really give you a reading based on your heart’s true desires.”
Hugo selects the first card. Suddenly, the sunlight changes and a gust of wind blows across the meadow. Something otherworldly is happening. The fairies are with us.
“Moving forward fearlessly,” Claire reads the card. “Hugo, those gut feelings aren’t just examples of wishful thinking. When you’re really honest with yourself, you know what you desire. Take one step to dismantle any part of your life that is out of integrity and others will respect you for standing your ground. You’ll probably find that when you speak your truth, new solutions become apparent.”
Well then. We should just replace the experts with Claire’s fairy cards. Without the fairies, Hugo wouldn’t have the confidence to confront his wife.
“I want to call her out on some of the stuff she’s been saying and doing,” he puffs out his chest.
Yes. Do it. It’s what the fairies want.
John Aiken has just been replaced by a fairy.
It’s the final boozy night of the retreat and we’ve got several people with axes to grind. There’s Hugo with his fairies. And Layton with his … flesh-coloured pants.
Dem stems.
Hugo gets in first and confronts Tayla while everyone crowds around. He brings up everything — from the sexting ex to the sex bag.
“Wow Hugo, this is the biggest crock of sh**,” Tayla rolls her eyes. “You’ve become so fragile over nothingggg! I’m so angry at you for throwing me under the bus agaiiiinnnnn.”
We look around and realise there’s way too many fragile-looking wine glasses within arm’s reach. Red alert! Red alert!
And that lit tea candle probably isn’t safe around the MAFS freaks either.
Then Tayla decides to lash out at Evelyn, who she thinks is making faces. And, like, Evelyn is making faces — but those faces are deserved.
Tayla reacts appropriately to the face-pulling. “Y’know what? If ya don’t wanna be around this barrell and have a good time, then f*** off!”
Tay, no one is having a good time around that barrel.
This is the moment producers snap into action, frantically clearing the glasses and replacing them with styrofoam cups.
Evelyn is appalled and immediately snaps into Mum Mode. “Excuse me! Are you telling me to f*** off right now? No one is swearing right now expect for you, Tayla – there’s no need for that.”
“I didn’t know you were so sensitive about swear words, Evelyn, I didn’t know you didn’t swear,” Tayla mocks before stropping off with one final declaration. “Everyone can get f***ed.” What about your husband? “He’s honestly such a c***.”
Um … thank you for your feedback.
Articulate as always, Tay.
By now, we’re too exhausted to even examine the weird hug Cam forces on her.
Um ok?
Our adrenaline has spiked and plummeted enough for the evening. We’d like to go to bed. That’s when Melinda and Layton decide to confront Harrison and Bronte, who diligently stands by her man like the First Lady on an election campaign trail.
Melinda and Layton grill Harrison on the lie he told and his response is foolproof: “I genuinely don’t remember.”
Bronte can’t really tell that Harrison’s trying to cover his tracks, so she steps in and repeats everything he told her about Layton slagging off his marriage to Melinda.
“Did you not say things aren’t OK?” she flicks her eyes between Harrison and Layton. “Is that not what happened?”
She has just unwittingly exposed her husband’s lie. Melinda’s jaw drops. All this freak-said-freak-said is becoming so tedious.
Harrison looks at his shoes and scolds his wife. “I wish you didn’t say that.”
Bronte stutters for a moment as she tries to catch up with what’s going on. Then, like a good little gaslit wife, she takes the fall by declaring she’s a big dummy who must’ve misunderstood her husband.
Nawww couple goals!
“I’m sorry,” she says to Melinda, before turning to Harrison and begging for forgiveness, even though she simply told the truth. “And I’m sorry to you, too. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Right now, Melinda doesn’t even have time to be angry because she’s so shocked at how manipulated Bronte is.
“It’s hard to watch,” she sighs. “Bronte feels she’s standing up for her man, like it’s a loyal thing. No. Hon, you’re being manipulated. You’re being gaslit.”
Harrison gets defensive and tries to gaslight Melinda, who promptly throws a bucket of water on his attempts.
“You’re a manipulator! You manipulate, that’s what you do!” she says before informing him that all the other wives agree. “It’s not just me – it’s all of us!”
Harrison whips around to face the other couples on the patio. “Does anyone think our relationship’s fake?” his voice booms across the deck and down the rolling hills of the hinterland.
