'We're not interested, but thank you!'
The Married At First Sight nude pic leaker is put on trial at Sunday night's commitment ceremony, where she makes a series of outrageous claims that leave us more stunned than Brent when he finds out his pillows have touched the floor.
It's the final commitment ceremony and the couples who stay will move onto the vow renew ...
Oh who cares. There's only one reason we're here: the wash-up to the nude pic leak. And to hear how Al's first day at kindy went.
It's the day after Dom was ambushed at the dinner party with news her nude pics had been unearthed and circulated by Olivia. She wants answers — and she's not waiting around for the commitment ceremony to get 'em. So she marches down the hall and knocks on Olivia's front door like an A Current Affair reporter chasing a welfare cheat.
"Um … Hellooo," Olivia says in an innocent singsong voice, as if she has no idea what this visit might be about. "How are you?"
Dom scrunches up her face. "That's irrelevant," she states. "What I wanna know is where these images came from. Who found them?"
But instead of providing answers, Olivia just pretends she thinks Dom is a door-to-door salesman spruiking vacuum cleaners and says she's not interested.
"I don't need this, actually," she shuts the door.
Try as she might, Olivia can't avoid Dom forever. And when it comes time for the commitment ceremony, she's smoked out of her rat hole.
The experts get Dom and Jack up on the couch first and then throw to Olivia for answers in the crowd. It's very Ricki Lake.
Reminder: Olivia's story about how the images came into her possession has always been shaky. But maybe that has changed over the past 24 hours.
So, Olivia, how did you get the photos?
"The internet," she says vaguely. "(Then) I sent them to Selina."
Uh-huh. Sounds reasonable so far. But … why?
"Because … I don't know."
Mmmhhhmm. Mmhhm. Thanks for the detailed response.
Because Olivia is a master manipulator, she decides to create a distraction by bringing up Dom's earlier ACA doorknock.
"You went on a rampage. You went on a rampage," she whimpers. "I closed the door when you started yelling in my face in my own home."
Dom looks around the room, perplexed. "A rampage? I knocked on the door and wanted more information. I don't see that as a rampage."
Yeah, Olivia. She just wanted answers — and maybe to sell you a vacuum cleaner.
Of course Dom and Jack both decide to stay in the experiment and, while we'd like to drag Olivia up to the couch to face further questioning, producers would like us to stay until the end of the episode — so they make us sit through all the other couples first.
It's riveting stuff. For example, Tamara regales us with a tale about what it's like to live with Brent after this week's homestay.
"He's actually more OCD than I am," she rolls her eyes. "The fact the cushions can't go on the ground. And he vacuumed, like, four times and we were only there for, like, four days."
"Who puts pillows on the floor?" Brent's voice goes high-pitched. "You don't put pillows on the floor. It's the floor!"
Brent's right. Nobody wants to smoosh their face into floor germs.
Last week, new mum Samantha was at her wits' end when Al trapped her in the marriage for a few more days after she tried to leave. It was childish of her husband but, hey, they call it the Terrible Twos for a reason.
Al was just acting out and looking for attention. But this week, he has learnt his lesson. It's time for him to leave the nest and move out on his own.
Sam's relieved.
"It's been a nice journey, but I think it's time to go," she sighs.
Oh, we bet. We're excited for ya, doll. But, technically, you don't leave until tomorrow, so could you just nip off and tuck Al into bed one last time?
With the episode winding up, there's only one thing left to do. And that is to get Olivia on the couch so we can ask her a very important question: Why isn't her husband's blouse buttoned up properly?
"We had homestays this week, which was amazing," Jackson gushes.
Yeah, um — no one cares about your homestay. We're here for nude pic drama. The experts try and guide Jackson into saying that the latest incident has made him see his wife in a different light, but Olivia jumps in to make an outrageous claim.
"If anything, it's probably bringing us closer because Jackson's been an amazing support," she smiles. "The proof is in the pudding."
Ugh. We start to cringe out of fear she's going to say something about him giving her a blackout orgasm again.
This prompts John Aiken to offer the only valuable observation he has ever made on this show.
"You look really miserable," he squints at her.
"We're not miserable with each other, we're miserable with this situation," Olivia insists. "I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears having to live in this drama. And I keep getting pulled back in."
Mmmhmm. Mmhhhm. You mean the drama you personally created in order to destroy someone else?
Alessandra decides to make a wild suggestion: How about Olivia, you know … apologises?
"Maybe there's some room for a little self-exploration and a little human empathy because it's very human to make mistakes and to maybe not know how to handle something," Alessandra explains. "But if your behaviour is incorrect, there should be an apology for bad behaviour."
This leads us perfectly to the promo-worthy quote of the night.
"As far as empathy, I just don't have it," Olivia says — cold and emotionless. "It's just not in me. And I'd be lying to your faces if I was like, 'I have more empathy to give towards that situation'."
And just before everyone can call her a psychopath, she fake cries.
"I'm not OK. I'm really not OK. I'm in a really bad mood now, sorry," she sobs.
Yeah, being held to account for leaking other people's nude photos puts me in a bad mood, too.
• MAFS is available in NZ on Three and ThreeNow
The Hollywood star is 70 but has no plans to retire from acting.