James Weir: It takes a lot of work to not work this hard

Martha Kalifatidis. Photo / Instagram

Remember the olden days when people had jobs? That was a crazy time.

Now, it has become its own job to not have a job. As the old saying goes, it takes a lot of work to not work this hard.

In 2019, it all comes down to optics. It's not about having actual skill — it's just about looking like you do.

Martha from Married At First Sight has this week tried to kick her non-career trajectory up a notch by posing topless for a series of photos while holidaying and avoiding work in Greece.

It's just one of many attempts by the former reality TV contestant to follow in the footsteps of her workplace mentor, Kim Kardashian. She has already had plastic surgery to physically resemble Kim. Now the topless photos mean she's definitely on track with her five year plan.

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One for the family album.

A post shared by Martha Kalifatidis (@marthaa__k) on Aug 15, 2019 at 2:08pm PDT

"I'm not working, my parents are supporting me," she proudly declared while on the reality show and I plan on yelling at my accountant for not telling me about this booming financial scheme.

But apparently the daily grind of not working is a tough industry to break into.

An Aussie girl trying to kickstart her career as an influencer lashed out this week at companies for turning her down because she looks too "real". Indeed, there is a weight problem in the modelling industry. But just because you want something doesn't mean you can just have it.

That's not how things works. I'd love to be a human rights lawyer like Amal Clooney, but I can't start calling myself one just because I get a designer husband and a great wardrobe.

Wait. No, I'm wrong. You actually can do that.

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Since the passage of the First Step Act in December, I’ve been speaking with people coming home from prison and learning about the challenges they are facing. While I have been able to offer support to some of the individuals I have met, the obstacles to success are an everyday struggle for thousands and more needs to be done. It was an honor to take part in the announcement that the administration and private sector will be stepping up to create opportunities for these men and women to succeed once home. I’m proud to partner on this initiative with @Lyft , a company with a history of taking bold action to do what’s right for our community. Thank you for providing ride share credits to formally incarcerated people when they come home. If there are any other companies who would like to step up, we would welcome the support. At the moment we have a particular need for cell phones and minutes so that these people can communicate with potential employers and with their loved ones.

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 24, 2019 at 1:14pm PDT

Kim Kardashian is "studying to be a lawyer" but not because she actually wants to be a lawyer. She just wants to look like a lawyer and say she's a lawyer. Since she started "studying", she has been running around in blazers, holding books and even cut her hair into a bob. She pretends to be, therefore she is.

Brooklyn Beckham is doing a similar thing. He wants to be a photographer, so his mum and dad bought him an expensive camera and he published a book of rubbish photos. They used their connections to secure him deals shooting big campaigns and then got him a position interning for legendary photographer Rankin — but rumours quickly leaked he is a total novice and "lacking in basic skills".

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Such a fun shoot with @thegr8khalid and the @BMW #i8 Roadster just before his Coachella performance today ! #roadtocoachella

A post shared by 🇬🇧 (@brooklynbeckham) on Apr 14, 2019 at 1:52pm PDT

But this doesn't matter. He can now say he's a photographer and walk around holding a camera. Why waste time actually being good at something when you can just look like you're a pro?

When it comes to people like this, "All the gear, no idea!" is the company motto.

Well, it would be, if any of them actually bothered working at a company.