I have become addicted to The X Factor. I know this is wrong, because I am one of those old-school types who believes the proper way to make it in the music business is to form a band with your mates, be crap, play a lot, get better and, if you have talent and are lucky, you get noticed.
I should take action to cure myself of this burgeoning addiction but I fear it is too late.
And it isn't even the boys, girls, groups and over-25s of the competition that have me hooked - although I do have my favourites and ones I think are totally overrated (Moorhouse, I'm looking at you). No, it is the judging panel that have me hooked, hanging off their every pronouncement, every intra-judge tiff, and every time Stan says "Bro, you're a idiot" to Daniel.
But even with all this intrigue and these big personalities, there are times when my mind wanders and I wonder how some of the greatest musical acts of all time might fare standing in front of, as Dominic calls them, "your X Factor judges".
Judge Mel, who is here because she is the 3rd most famous Mel in pop music history, doesn't like guitars. If Judge Mel dies and goes to hell - because that's where, it turns out, ex-pop singers go - her hell will be full of sensitive singer-songwriters, strumming. I wonder, therefore, how Judge Mel would deal with Jimi Hendrix.
"Jimi, I've got to be honest with you. I love the look - the hair, the scarves, the trousers. I mean, I really love the trousers. But the whole guitar thing, always with the guitar, y'know? I'd love to see you next week, if you're still here, without your guitar. You don't need a guitar, y'know, when you've got the trousers. If you were on my team I would tell you to set fire to that guitar."
Judge Stan is the homeboy judge. He is a simple, straight-up man who tells it like it is, which is why I think Judge Stan would have a huge problem with Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie.
