TV review: Westies, we've missed you

Outrageous Fortune is back for its fifth series. Photo / Supplied

It started with a bang and ended with a wimp. The fifth season of Outrageous Fortune, which began last night on TV3, retained its predecessors' tradition of fine filth in the opening scenes as Van and pregnant girlfriend Sheree indulged in frantic sex in their grotty basement digs.

It being morning, Van should have been off to work for sister Loretta. Serves him right that coitus was interruptus by the arrival of Detective Sergeant Zane Gerard (Charles Mesure, who is going to add some serious menace to this series), who punched Van in the face and arrested Sheree for a large quantity of stolen goods.

Goods, she claimed later to Van, she was "collecting" for the benefit of the twins she's expecting. Aside from living in a "dump", Sheree is copping attitude from matriarch Cheryl, also pregnant. She hates Sheree for many reasons, not least of which is she is sister to the devious Nicky, who has shacked up with Pascalle and driven a wedge between mother and daughter. Pascalle is certain Sheree only pinched stuff because of Cheryl's attitude, hence "migrating circumstances", as she explained.

It was a busy episode. Loretta forced open Jethro's locked drawer in their office (as he knew she would; it was a set-up) and discovered a list leading to a meeting with her ex Hayden, and Jethro's old classmate Nadine Cronk, a chemist who has cooked up a new "confidence building" pill. Legal - for now. They want Loretta to be the distributor. First, she had to try it out. Despite her scepticism, Loretta found herself off her face in a club and - urk - feeling loved-up towards Hayden.

The arrival of Gerard into the equation is an intriguing curveball. He is determined to nail Nicky, via his sister if needs be. He called Van on his mobile for a meeting. "How did you get this number?" demanded Van. "I'm a detective, Van. I detected it," replied Gerard. The dialogue continues to be one of OF's sly assets.

Fish pies also loomed large. Cheryl was cooking one of her famed fish pies for a family night; Pascalle, in a parallel operation, was also mucking up a pie for Nicky, Sheree, Van, Kasey, Munter, Grandpa and his new wife Ngaire. Pascalle can't cook but by the time the pie eventually arrived on the table, they were all so famished (and pissed) they hoovered it up faster than a Dyson.

At the nightclub, Hayden was hard at work flattering Loretta, whispering sweet nothings like, "You look lovely when you're wasted". Loretta uncharacteristically melted - until she noticed Nadine and Hayden kissing. Jethro had "forgotten" to tell her they were an item.

But what the hell, the pills look a good business option and Loretta loves money. She and Jethro ended up eating fish pie on Cheryl's veranda, high as kites, admiring those pretty city lights.

Back at Pascalle and Nicky's, a light went out of Van's eyes as Nicky proposed a toast to Sheree, whose charges had been dropped. Flashback to the cop shop and Gerard telling Van he'd do anything to get Nicky but he needed an insider. To save Sheree, love-fool Van has agreed to turn nark. In West terms, that makes him a wimp, a loser, gone to the dark side.

This twist marked an impeccable introduction to the latest round with the West family. As always, the acting and writing are seamless and true, and Van's defection was an inspired shock. Only one thing struck a false note: Pascalle's ability to cook anything edible. Maybe next week we'll discover they all got food poisoning.