KEY POINTS:
Sticklers for law and order might think the boys and girls in blue are stretched too thin on the streets, but they'll no doubt be pleased to know that quotas are being kept up on prime time.
As Serious Crash Unit and Police 10/7 bow out this week,
backup has arrived in Beat Squad (TV One, last night, 7.30).
From its opening scene, Beat Squad came armed with a pounding action soundtrack and bristling with exclamation marks. "In New Zealand's largest city, communities are under attack from crime!" began the startled commentary, voiced by Craig Parker, an actor whose time on Shortland Street no doubt honed his talents for conveying urgency and emergency.
Surprised to discover one of the besieged communities was my own North Shore, I was keen to find out the nature of these dark forces of evil wherever they were lurking.
In stark contrast to the permanently shocked-sounding commentary, the community constable heroes on Beat Squad seemed to find their job had a certain element of predictability. "Know this address", "been here before", they noted while sorting yet another domestic or dropping off another wayward youth home to mum.
The script was keen to sum up the pearls of wisdom garnered from years on the beat. "Officers know that when alcohol is involved, domestic disputes can turn ugly."
Ugly? Surely far too harsh a word for the "intoxicated male" who tried to seize his chance to be on prime-time telly with a hopeless attempt at singing Love Me Tender. Help! Our communities are under attack from trolleyed persons who've confused a reality police show with New Zealand's Got Talent.
Another intriguing highlight of the show for those of us who speak standard English is the crash course in police report-speak, a language rich in synonyms. One of the officers demonstrated his fluency, with an explanation of Section 48: "where a child, or young person, unaccompanied by parent, or guardian, or caregiver, is in a situation where their physical or mental health, or well-being, can be impaired."
But the night was not without the incidents that made you glad the men and women in uniform are out there. Over in Waitakere, a routine red light-running and seat-belt offences check turned gratifyingly dramatic when one keen-eyed rookie officer spotted a naked weapon in the rear seat of a car. The driver had quite a cache: air rifle and handgun, knife, serious bit of metal piping. "For what purpose? Can't be lawful," observed Sergeant Grant Watson, proving that, police officialese aside, we can usually rely on our law enforcers to be nicely laconic.
Most importantly, Beat Squad indeed reinforces what our grass-roots protectors have to put up with: difficult domestics, drunks, addled glue-sniffers, getting down and bloody to save a young woman with a dangerously deep cut to her leg. To top it off there's the reality telly nuisance factor: that hyperbolic script blowing off about murder and mayhem, and being filmed from odd backseat camera angles that give the nation prime-time close-ups of your ears.