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Home / Entertainment

<i>That Guy:</i> Text to Dancing with the Olympiads

Herald on Sunday
12 Apr, 2008 05:00 PM4 mins to read

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Opinion

KEY POINTS:

Getting the Olympic torch to Beijing is just one hurdle the Chinese will have to overcome in their bid to host a successful Olympiads. The real battle will be the fight for TV ratings, as interest in the Games themselves rapidly declined post gymnast Mary Lou Retton quitting the sport some time in the 80s.

(Top tip for young journalists: Notice how I used the noun "hurdle" in the opening sentence. This is clever as it aptly explains the notion that the Chinese have some things to overcome, but a "hurdle" is also a piece of sporting equipment used in the "hurdles" - a popular Olympic event).

The Sydney Olympics in 2000 was my first Olympiads spent as an embedded sports journalist. I learned first-hand the value of having proper accreditation, or more specifically that a packet of coloured felt-tip pens hanging around your neck will get you only so far into the Olympic village or access to any event.

I blame Ric Salizzo, who was my employer at the time. So without access, I spent most of my time as an embedded journalist actually lying in bed on the phone to friends in New Zealand, as this was the only way I could get any updates on the progress of New Zealand athletes.

My second Olympiads were Athens 2004 but by then I was over it, so I spent most of my time, and Ric's money, in Venice, London and occasionally Rome. In hindsight I feel it benefited my sport reports as I was able to give a broader, wider perspective.

And now, with only a couple of months to go until Beijing, it seems I am not the only person who doesn't even want to see the torch relay through to the end, let alone the more tedious events to come, such as shooting and synchronised swimming.

The problem is that by and large a television spectacle, the Olympics are now forced to compete against slick format shows such as Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, Survivor and Singing Bee.

These formats can capture the real emotion of competition up close, and in addition the Olympics are hobbled by the fact that due to their tight scheduling they have to move on to the next event, unlike top television raters like Dancing with the Stars, which can re-cap, recap their recaps and in some cases even recap their recapped recaps. They can provide endless recaps to ensure you don't miss a pixel.

It is now no secret that I have twice been asked to compete in Dancing with the Stars, and twice it has not happened purely because I have refused to budge on my stipulation that I don't do re-caps, never have and never will.

So just recapping, the Olympics are off to a poor start, and in a bid to compete for ratings they could learn something from top TV formats.

Drugs have also been blamed a lot for the Olympics' slide in the TV ratings. We don't see Dancing with the Stars celebrities using drugs so why should the top athletes?

It has been suggested in the past that there should be two separate Olympics, one for athletes not using steroids, the other for those who are.

This would obviously ensure that everybody in the steroid Olympics was using steroids but it wouldn't guarantee that a steroid-using athlete who finds the new steroid Olympics too competitive is not going to attempt to sneak back into the easier "clean" games.

Instead, I propose that athletes be allowed to take steroids if they want to, but they have to be filmed injecting them during their weekly video diary. These diaries - much like video diaries we see of Monty, Temepara and the gorgeous Miriama visiting schools, etc, the week building up to their big dance-off - will give background to the athlete and be screened before the race, or occasionally as a recap or a recapped recap.

This is important as I also propose that 1st, 2nd and 3rd not just be decided by the order they cross the finish line but by a user-friendly texting element involving the viewers.

A steroid-pumped beast may well run the 100m in a world record time of 7.2 seconds, but will you text for him, having seen him "shoot up" in his video diary just before visiting Starship?

His physical abilities got him the gold medal but the public "text" votes might see him drop down.

Much like Dancing with the Stars, it will be the athlete who has the best overall performance combined with the most text votes from you, the viewers, who ultimately gets another week on the cover of Woman's Day, or crowned the Olympic 100-metre champion.

So just recapping ...

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