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Where the bloody hell am I? In Australia for Australia. Yeah, J. Bond has been here too this week. But Australia - Baz Lurhmann's epic tale of love, war, racism and meat supply starring Nicole "Our Nic" Kidman and Hugh Jackman - is the film which has got
them in a fever here across the ditch. It's not just a film. Tourism Australia wants it to do for Oz what The Lord of the Rings did for New Zealand and has kicked in millions to bring up the country's flatlining international visitor numbers.
Luhrmann has filmed a series of "see the movie, see the country" commercials to emu-tail with the release.
Meanwhile, the local media is in a small frenzy. The Sydney Morning Herald is running a readers' sweepstake on its global box office take and there are predictions of wild highs and lows.
There haven been stories, vehemently denied by Luhrmann, that the film had its ending changed to let Jackman's character live under pressure from Fox Studios - which was happy to let Leo freeze to death in Titanic - after test audiences supposedly found it too much of a downer.
On the street, there's a sense of willing Australia to do well, mixed with with a cultural cringe about a film set in a mythical outback past of Waltzing Matilda and Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport. Actually Rolf Harris appears on the soundtrack with his wobble board. Which is pretty special.
But there's been some nerves. Luhrmann might be a local cinematic hero, but many here still have trouble reconciling his past extravagant confections like Strictly Ballroom, Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge with a film about heat and dust and Australia's wartime and aboriginal history.
As one local told me: "Well I think it's the title. I think it's a title that makes it obviously a little more personal - it's not 'liked it/didn't like it', it's 'hey that's my place. You're taking it around the world and you are saying this is Australia'.
"I remember being very nervous about the opening ceremony of the 2000 Olympics. I know how I feel about my country but the entire world is watching us not only sporting-wise but creatively. It's always going to be a little more difficult here. It would be the same thing with a movie called 'New Zealand' - what is it?"
Ah, Peter Jackson and a Mackenzie country sheep muster?
Actually that local talking there is Hugh Jackman. We'll let have his full say at a later date somewhere when we can run a nice big photo of him, cos he's not a bad looking bloke. He got the job because Luhrman couldn't nail down a certain Russell Crowe who got miffed with those holding Australia's purse strings. Then Luhrmann faced some other problems. It rained up in the Northern Territory where he was shooting, the equine flu outbreak caused more problems, and the budget went north too.
But all things considered - and this is from someone who really thought he was going to hate this one after an opening 20 minutes that threatened turning into an outback musical starring Dame Edna and Skippy - Australia is, well, fabulous.
It might be set against historical events but it's as Luhrmann a movie as his extravagant predecessors. Everything is heightened, tweaked, designed, sound-mixed and melodramatised to within an inch of its life. The characters verge on the edge of caricature. The aboriginal elements which give it a spark of magical realism feel anything but token, and its commentary on the Australia's stolen generations is up-front, though given a very cute face, care of young Brandon Walters.
Running at nearly two-and-a-half hours it feels like its own double feature: cattle drive western romance followed by Pearl Harbour-meets-Dunkirk war story.
It opens today in Australia and most of the world, but it's not out until Christmas in New Zealand. Which feels just right. It feels like in years to come, it will become one of those vintage epics that you can sleep off your Christmas lunch with and wake up just in time for the Japanese bombing of Darwin.
But you really need to see it on the big screen first because there are some gobsmacking landscapes. It certainly made me want to go there ... Hey, what a Lucky Country it is. About now, I'm off to Darwin courtesy of Tourism Australia's drive to get more of us to visit. Thirty-five degrees and thunderstorms apparently. Bonza.