Review: New Zealand's Next Top Model

Christobelle Grierson-Ryrie deserves another lamington. Photo / Supplied

What: New Zealand's Next Top Model.
When: Last night.
Where: TV3.

The oddest thing about reality telly is that it is, mostly, about fantasy. Change your wife, your house, your life. Become New Zealand's Next Top Model.

We may have been a bit sneery before our home-grown version started, but it's been fabulous. Mostly because it's not too fabulous to be true. Our girls may be more sulky-faced - except for the smirking Horrid Hosanna - than pouty, but at least they don't shriek (well, not all the time) like the ones on America's Next Top Model.

They seem to eat, too. And smoke. They have spots. It's managed to be slickly produced but a bit cardi-like, like us.

Only on NZNTM would you hear one of the girls call her designer garment "comfy" (although they mostly seemed to be dressed by Max; with skin by Nivea, which is more comfortably us than silly runway fashion.)

You knew this: Laura and Christobelle made the final two. Laura said: "I reckon we should have banana splits for dessert."

Laura slipped on the final runway challenge. "It sucks," she said. That's our girl.

That Christobelle won wasn't much of a surprise. I don't know why everyone was so surprised Horrid Hosanna made the final. These things are as much about good telly talent as they are about model talent.

But the real winner of New Zealand's Next Top Model was ... Colin Mathura-Jeffree and his hairy dos. Last night, he was channelling a maharajah crossed with a pirate. Now that is fabulous fantasy.

He's managed to pull off a quite brilliant parody of his creepy, weirdo equivalent, Miss J Alexander, on that other show, America's Next Top Model.

Miss J's hair, and all that strutting, sneery nonsense which make you think he really might hate women, makes you want to sick up. Colin's hair is a joke too - but it's one we were all in on.

We really didn't need the lamington fight. But really Colin's got the spirit of the thing: It's all about playing dress-ups and princesses.

I'm not sure who Sara Tetro's channelling. But I can't watch her without thinking of Louise Wallace in her terrifying turn on The Weakest Link. Or one of those scary lady horse judges who has only just managed to stop herself from inspecting the gel horsie's teeth.

"Go say goodbye to your mates," she said. She meant it kindly, after her fashion, but she still managed to make it sound like a cull.

Which is what all these Top Mod airings are, of course. But I'm sure that what she meant to say, on behalf of all us, was: Congratulations Christobelle. We wish you every success, and many lamingtons.