KEY POINTS:
We can't say we weren't warned about Big Shots (TV2, Sunday, 9.30pm) the male version of the four friends show that tanked in the US after just 11 episodes, following its lady friend, Cashmere Mafia, into oblivion.
BS (an unfortunate, but apt acronym) is an attempt at a manly Sex and the City, but its idea of a gay romp is sex in a sleazy toilet stall with a tranny, and it's utterly devoid of frivolous fashions or, more importantly, witty one-liners.
Its quartet of "alpha males" are all supposedly high-achieving executives, but they're actually all just desperate husbands. Their busy schedule as Fortune 500 CEOs seems to consist of hanging out in the steam room, golf course or country club, bemoaning their entanglements with the opposite sex.
"Men? We're the new women," groaned one, explaining why their lives are so dreary. The poor blokes are married to, being hen-pecked by, cheating on or being cheated on by an unlovely assortment of demanding wives, mistresses and petulant teenage daughters.
If you ever wondered why hundreds of thousands of American men felt obliged to march on Washington to reclaim their masculinity and role in the family, this show might explain it.
When they're not moaning, the Big Shots try a bit of farce, but really shouldn't. Karl's mistress texts him when he's in couples therapy with his wife: "I miss your penis", thus causing him to promise to put his penis - sorry, phone away. See? It doesn't bear repeating.
But the show's most off-putting feature is, oddly, actor Dylan McDermott's piercing blue gaze. He's smouldering away so hard it has you reaching for the fire extinguisher every time he has a scene.
A more appealing high-flying male is Eli Stone (TV2, Sunday, 8.30), who has a hard task ahead: proving that, despite legal drama king David E. Kelley having comprehensively covered the territory, there is still room on the telly for yet another wacky, quirky American lawyer. Eli Stone is helped along by its lead, British actor Jonny Lee Miller, who as well as a fair dose of natural charisma has the kudos of being a former Mr Jolie.
Stone is a guy who's got it all, big job, engaged to the boss' daughter and, in his own words, a worshipper of the "holy trinity of Armani, accessories and ambition". But his world is rocked, literally, when he starts seeing George Michael playing in his living room or the law firm lobby. Now wait on, haven't we had "Lawyers: the musical" before, courtesy of the theme song-plagued Ally McBeal? And haven't we seen the definitive George Michael cameo in the Extras Christmas Special?
The excuse for all the forced eccentricity is that Stone has a brain aneurism, causing auditory hallucinations. Then there's an acupuncturist in Chinatown convincing him that although his visions might have a medical cause, they're also evidence he is a latter-day prophet on a mission to change the world.
Such a road to Damascus-style conversion doesn't bode well for those of us who are allergic to American legal drama's penchant for delivering closing addresses oozing sentimentality and moral lessons, those ones that always sway the jury. Not to mention those of us allergic to those US dramas that dabble in the divine.
Eli Stone might have George Michael but there won't be much mention of soliciting gay sex, drugs and community service on this show. And we should forget that association with the raunchy Angelina. This is pure attorney touched by an angel.
