Linda needs a moment alone. But she knows this is a nearly impossible request, as her only breaks from solo parenting a sick child who must be monitored at all times are work and therapy.
The latter option will have to do. She lies down on her therapist’s couch without saying a word, relishing the silence. Then he tries to ask her questions, and she snaps: doesn’t he understand that this is the only time she has to herself?
These therapy sessions, while combative, are as much of a reprieve for Linda as they are for the audience of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, an exhausting psychological dramedy about a beleaguered mother (Rose Byrne, in perhaps the most stunning performance of her career) struggling to balance all her responsibilities.
Her unnamed daughter (Delaney Quinn) suffers from a mysterious illness, maybe an eating disorder, and can’t be unhooked from beeping machines until she gets her weight up. Linda’s husband, Charles (Christian Slater), is busy captaining a faraway cruise ship but still finds time to criticise her parenting skills over the phone.
Oh, and it turns out Linda also works as a therapist, right down the hall from her own. But Linda is far more negligent than her shrink (Conan O’Brien), too tired to notice alarm bells going off whenever one of her clients, a new mum (Danielle Macdonald), speaks of her paranoid anxieties.
On top of it all, a water leak creates a gaping hole in Linda’s apartment ceiling, meaning she and her kid have to live out of a dingy Montauk motel for weeks until it gets fixed. Tired yet?
Written and artfully directed by Mary Bronstein (Yeast), If I Had Legs has been described as Uncut Gems for mothers, given its overwhelming chaos and Linda’s tendency to make the most maddening choice possible in any situation.
The new film was also produced by Ronald Bronstein (the director’s husband) and Josh Safdie, both of whom co-wrote Uncut Gems.
The comparison is helpful shorthand but undermines the distinctly feminine perspective Bronstein offers of a woman tormented by her own life. Inspired by personal experiences, the film-maker traps viewers in Linda’s turbulent mind – terrain that may feel terrifying to some viewers, and familiar to anyone whose head reflexively swivels when a kid shouts, “Mum!”
It’s a bold, claustrophobic movie that wouldn’t work without Byrne. While best known for her purely comedic roles, including the one-upping socialite Helen in the 2011 hit Bridesmaids, the actor delivers a gut-wrenching performance as Linda.
She conveys the character’s misery with great conviction, her voice straining as she explains her relentless challenges to sceptical audiences (usually male). But she also finds a way to be funny, employing her sharp comedic timing to convey Linda’s sardonic humour.
Byrne finds a worthy screen partner in O’Brien, who ditches his usual warmth to play Linda’s impenetrable therapist. The comedian surprises in this dramatic role, countering Byrne’s frenetic energy with a level of restraint her character interprets as a minimisation of her struggles.
Linda finds solace in friendly motel employee James (A$AP Rocky, fresh off Spike Lee’s Highest 2 Lowest) until lashing out at him, too.
Bronstein favours tight frames, often keeping her camera uncomfortably close to Byrne’s face. Viewers can almost feel Linda’s jaw tighten at each of her daughter’s outbursts. The girl isn’t shown until the final scene of the film, a stylistic choice that clarifies her focus: this isn’t about the terrors of raising this specific child, but about the unbearable responsibilities of motherhood as a whole.
Bronstein watches Linda’s face contort as her child insists on adopting a hamster. When Linda finally relents and the pet gets run over by a car, we don’t see a crying child. We see a relieved mum.
Much of the action takes place under harsh motel lighting, courtesy of cinematographer Christopher Messina (who worked on 2017’s Good Time, another Safdie brothers film).
When Linda doesn’t appear in this fluorescent light with a bottle of wine in hand, she is shrouded in darkness. She often visits her apartment to gaze at the gaping hole in her ceiling; Filipe Messeder and Ruy García’s striking sound design supplies ambient hums and rhythmic thuds that capture the dread lurking in the recesses of her mind.
If it isn’t clear by now, If I Had Legs is the feel-bad movie of the year.
It follows other films such as Marielle Heller’s Nightbitch and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s The Lost Daughter in presenting an unflinching look at embittered mothers but dials the visceral distress up to 11.
A good chunk of people who see this in theatres will walk out feeling absolutely terrible, the natural effect of coming to understand what this fictional woman and so many real ones experience on a day-to-day basis.
Linda’s characterisation could have gone deeper. Why is it that she makes so many terrible decisions? Is it only because of her circumstances or something innate? Has her marriage always been this imbalanced, or is it a temporary dynamic? These questions remain frustratingly unanswered.
At the same time, the lack of explanation allows for projection. Many mothers might find their viewing cathartic. Bronstein doesn’t seem to be aiming for lofty social commentary so much as a vivid experience. Misery loves company, so here’s your invitation.
Rated three stars out of four.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is streaming now on Apple TV+