Murph's most successful experiment to date has involved splicing together the genes of the North Island brown kiwi with those of the New Zealand falcon to create the beast that will become known as the velocikiwi. Unfortunately the first few example of this nocturnal ground-dwelling bird of prey he created had a lifespan of only minutes so he threw in some tuatara DNA, thus making it so the velocikiwi can live for 100 years and also giving me the tenuous link I needed to justify the word "Jurassic" in the title.
Of course, as is the way with these films, Murph's creations reveal their dark side early on and turn on their maker, pecking him to death in the nocturnal house, then dumping his body in the wetland exhibit to throw park management off the trail. At first the disaffected youth of Otorohanga are suspected, but we know differently. Eventually, inevitably, the Chris Pratt-like character of my story, who I will call Chris just so we're clear on things here, figures out the true culprits - just after the velocikiwis try to kill him.
Then, as is the way with these films, the velocikiwis go on a rampage around the Otorohanga Kiwi House, sending busloads of Japanese tourists fleeing for their lives. Eventually, inevitably, the velocikiwis breach the security of the Kiwi House and escape by running out through the gift shop.
As the outside world comes to learn of the terrifying developments in Otorohanga I will throw in my awesome plot twist by having the velocikiwis head south, at terrifying speed, and then disappear into the Waitomo caves. They do this because kiwis like the dark and also cave stuff is eerie and suspenseful and will give me an opportunity to build the tension as the army is mobilised and they surround the cave mouth. Eventually Chris, the only one who "gets" these frightening new creatures, leads a squad into the cave system, despite the fact he has no military training, experience or even links to the armed forces.
It is deep in the Waitomo caves that Chris discovers that the ravenous velocikiwis have eaten all the glow-worms. What is more, their already mixed-up DNA has now got mixed up with the DNA of the glow-worms so that instead of being brown, the velocikiwis glow in the dark and look really cool on film. What is even more, they seem to have mated prolifically in the few hours they have been underground so now there are heaps of them.
Eventually, as is the way of these films, the velocikiwis escape the cave, destroy the army and make their way to a major metropolitan centre - in this case, Hamilton. There, after a huge battle that destroys most of the city while at least one character (possible Sam Neill cameo) monologues about the dangers of tinkering with the building blocks of life, Chris leads the humans to victory.
Except for that one glowing creature, high in the hills above Huntly; the light that says "sequel".
- Canvas
