"Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he's off on some f****ing tour, there's nothing 'winning' about any of that," he tells the magazine.
"I mean, how does a guy who's obviously quick-sanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial."
Sheen, 46, attributes his meltdown to "too much people-pleasing, not enough breaks, over 30 years, forming into one, focused tsunami-like release."
He adds: "It's like one giant, long poem, played by some weird character, about things that aren't totally grounded in anything real.
"I don't create havoc, mayhem, wreckage. I mean, I did for a while. But it was never part of the master plan."
The actor, who had a stint in rehab last year, also says he's off the wagon.
"I mean, the s**t works. Sorry, but it works. Anyway, I don't see what's wrong with a few drinks. What's your drink? Tequila? Mine's vodka. Straight, because I've always said that ice is for injuries, ha ha."
In the cover story, Sheen admits that he still carries a torch for his ex, Denise Richards. Actually, that's putting it somewhat euphemistically.
"She still looks fu**ing great. Do I want to? Yeah! Does she? Don't know," he tells the mag.
"It's tough being on trips with her sometimes. I don't want the kids to walk in on us, you know?
"And we sleep in separate rooms. Everybody's going to want to know that, too."
Richards, mother of two of Sheen's kids (Sam, 8, and Lola, 6), also tells the magazine that the ex-couple are, "like best friends now. Confidants. He tells me everything."
She adds, "He's another of my children".
Adds Sheen, "And we sleep in separate rooms. Everybody's going to want to know that, too."
But while his relationship with Richards is on the up, he might need to work on his feelings towards Men creator Lorre.
"[He's a ] low-rent, nutless sociopath," says Sheen, adding, "a turd" who's "no longer stuck to my shoe."
During the confab, Sheen also reveals that he's a toe man.
"I've not dated girls because of their feet, just the length of certain toes and the shape of where things should be and they're not," he quips. "Hammertoes are bad. And the second toe being too long? That's bad, too."
Total deal breaker.
He adds: "People think I'm a bit of a rogue, a cad, a Lothario, a guy who's in a lot of sh*t that would lead to a constellation of kink and oddities, and I'm not," says Sheen. "I just love women."
Sheen will be making his small screen return in sitcom Anger Management, which debuts in the US later this month.
"There weren't any offers; I was blackballed in this frickin' town," says Sheen of his TV hiatus. "So I took it upon myself to generate something and say, 'I'm not done yet.' I'm not done because they say I'm done,"
Check out a behind-the-scenes video of Sheen's Rolling Stone cover shoot below:
P.S. Sheen might want to take his new show to heart.
The actor launched into a tirade outside the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Wednesday when a security guard wouldn't let him re-enter the stadium after a smoke break.
Sheen was not happy, as shown in video footage posted on TMZ.
Anger management, indeed.
- Blogger Bites Back
