"Come on mate, you're just naming celebrities," you're thinking. "And not even particularly good ones."
Okay. Sure. But these five disparate New Zealand personalities do have one thing in common. They are the only five people in the world whoknow what it's like to win Dancing With the Stars NZ.
After a six-year hiatus, another proud Kiwi legend now knows the rare thrill of dancing victory. The rush of holding aloft the remarkably unattractive Mirror Ball Trophy.
In the space of 90 minutes, Simon Barnett was elevated from the obscurity of hosting the country's 11th most popular morning radio show to the fame and glamour that comes with the title of 2015 Dancing With the Stars grand champion.
Chrystal Chenery & Jonny Williams
Chrystal Chenery and Jonny Williams
Fittingly it was Chrystal who took the first hit-up of the final, like a league player who'd been hogging the pre-game smelling salts. Her rhumba to Bleeding Love was "jam-packed with rhumba content" according to Stefano, which seemed like a smart move.
In the final dance-off, where competitors chose their favourite dance of the season, Chrystal and Jonny revived their Shake It Off jive from week one. It was an inspired choice, showcasing the improvements the pair have made over the past eight weeks, and with a score of 28 Chrystal had done all she could to put herself in title contention.
Judges' scores: 27 & 28
Siobhan Marshall & Charlie Billington
Siobhan Marshall and Charlie Billington
In a spectacular tactical move Siobhan brought her dog to the studio to watch her final performance. You can't vote someone off a dancing show in front of their dog. It's like punching a man in front of his son. Her dramatic paso doble resonated with Hayley, who reveals she has "had relationships that are volatile just like that." She was talking about working with Mark and Andrew on The Crowd Goes Wild right?
Unfortunately, Siobhan's 26 was not enough to see her through to the final dance-off. Her dog didn't care. He had no idea what was going on.
Judges' score: 26
Simon Barnett & Vanessa Cole
Simon Barnett and Vanessa Cole
As Candy Lane summarised, we had "sexy love, torrid love," and now "romantic love." It's the only type of love Simon knows, and he has made it work for him to magnificent effect all season. The world's sexiest 48-year-old's Viennese Waltz to Whitney Houston's I Have Nothing came packed with his trademark sincerity, and saw him through to the final dance-off with ease.
The week five Eye of the Tiger paso doble was, rightfully, Simon's favourite dance of the season. It was a near-perfect performance the first time around, but Simon found another level for the season's final competitive dance, finally earning that elusive perfect 30. If anyone was in any doubt how much Dancing With the Stars meant to him, his tears at the end answered any questions. What a bloody legend.
