It’s one thing to live with your own mistakes. It’s another to live with the mistakes of others. And it’s an absolute bloody nightmare to live with mistakes of others you have invited upon yourself.
This is how I imagine young married couple Jemma and Alvaro will feel when theyreturn to their Glen Eden home after a group of total strangers have spent five days renovating it.
Jemma and Alvaro were the first pair to have their home renovated. Photo / House Rules NZ
This is the patch-up job concept at the heart of House Rules NZ, Three’s new reno-based reality show. 10 contestants in teams of two spend five days at each other’s houses renovating them according to a list of rules laid down by the homeowners, who have to leave the group to it. The teams consist of married couples, a mum and daughter, a pair of cousins, etc.
Crucially, there is no project manager with a clear vision and plan for the renovation. Instead, each team is assigned a zone of the house, say, the master bedroom or the lounge and hallway, and is let loose to wow and impress the show’s judges with their unbridled creativity. The only things reining in their imaginations and affection for hideous, sparkly wallpaper are those house rules.
These are supposed to be the guiding lights of the renovations. They are incredibly hopeful. They are borderline confusing.
“Fuse Scandi with Coastal in a modern way,” reads rule one of Jemma and Alvaro’s rules. One of the renovators had to Google what ‘Scandi’ even was.
There was a lot to get through in the first episode, and the show did an admirable job of keeping the momentum up. Photo / House Rules NZ
“Transform our bathroom into a relaxation retreat,” reads another. Ambitious. Especially considering the couple shower at the gym because theirs hasn’t worked for years and they have a big, draughty hole in the bathroom floor.
But DIY renovations aren’t about basic repairs and functionality. They’re about aspiration and transformation. Turning mutton into lamb. Adding value.
Like a good soup, you want your house to have consistency throughout and a strong, singular flavour. What we have in House Rules NZ is not just too many cooks spoiling the broth, but each cook making their own individual broth in the one pot. It makes for a show that’s more entertaining than you might expect as the horribly conflicting visions of the contestants begin to take shape within the house.
Here’s an example of the grand designs at play: the team in charge of hallways want one style of doorknob. The problem is that their choice clashes with the room themes the other contestants are creating. The compromise is that each door will have a different style of handle on the inside and outside, something I’ve never seen in any house I’ve ever been in. Forget about an even flow - this is a Frankenstein’s lurch.
Jemma and Alvaro's request for 'earthy tones' was thrown out of the window. Photo / House Rules NZ
But the other big problem for those that have to eventually live there is that this is a reality TV show competition and everyone wants to impress the judges, who have implored the contestants to go big, bold and colourful. In rule two, Jemma and Alvaro demanded “earthy tones”. No prizes for guessing whose request gets given more weight.
There was a lot to get through in the first episode, and the show did an admirable job of keeping momentum. The concept was explained, everyone was introduced and given time to tell their heartstring-tugging backstories, and the teams got to start pulling down walls.
With $100,000 on the line, there was no time for throwing people under the bus. But there were little digs to the camera and some solid mind games. A request for 200 millimetres to be absorbed from the hallway into the bathroom to accommodate a new vanity was a tense, awkward showdown.
With $100,000 on the line, there was no time for throwing people under the bus. Photo / House Rules NZ
“You need more of our hallway,” snipped Jarrad. “You’re going to decrease our space?”
“Yeeeah,” Martinique replied cautiously, while the other teams watched on silently.
Away from the others, Sherwen said what we were all thinking: “I am waiting for Jarrad to boil up. He is simmering on day one.”
A compromise was made. If Martinique and her husband Andre agreed to paint the doors, they could have the space. Crises averted.
“It actually worked for us,” Jarrad giggled later. “It’s one less bit of space for us to worry about.”
Each team is assigned a zone of the house and is let loose to wow and impress the show’s judges with their unbridled creativity. Photo / House Rules NZ
Cleverly, House Rules NZ has two hooks to keep you watching. First, you want to see the completed reno and how many - or hopefully, for entertainment’s sake, how few - of the rules were adhered to. And secondly, you want to see the homeowner’s reaction to their new (hopefully, again for entertainment’s sake, mishmash, hodgepodge) house interior.
With scoring complete, the next team will hand over their house keys and their rules. Then they’ll leave, ever-hopeful their fellow contestants do what their rules say and not what they themselves did when they were on the tools.
House Rules NZ streams first on ThreeNow with episodes uploaded at 12pm each day. It then airs three times a week on Three - on Sundays at 7pm, and Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm.
