Forward Thinking: Where's the party-hard policy guys?

So John and Phil, I realise you are very busy people... but you should get out more. Photo / NZ Herald

Phil, I have to say, that worthy welfare policy of yours is great stuff, and badly needed for sure. As is the free healthcare for children under 6. Nice one. And John, even faster broadband? Hell, yeah. Bring it on. And a harder line on criminals. Well, it can't hurt.

But, good sirs, what do you have planned for art, culture, and, most importantly, all things entertainment if you win this weekend?

Not too much by the sounds. Well, not that I've heard anyway if noises from the campaign trail are anything to go by.

As Herald art critic Janet McAllister pointed out last weekend, National's arts policy in particular is made up of "acres of nicely-designed white space". Then again, at least it has one, unlike Act and NZ First.

As you'd expect Labour has an extensive arts policy, continuing on from the mighty fine work Helen Clark did back in the day.

But sadly, no party has a rock 'n' roll policy, or an entertainment policy, or even a party-hard policy - which is a crying shame.

Now then, I'm not saying that the likes of Labour and National don't have plans in place for all things arty, farty, and party, because, for example, NZ On Air does a great job, The Hobbit is still being filmed here, and Creative New Zealand continues to fund the weird, wonderful and quite often crazy projects that would not otherwise see the light of day.

But, it seems to me there is a gap in the market during this election campaign for someone to bang on about their plans for arts, culture and entertainment if they are voted into power.

Hey, everyone loves a party and, as the World Cup showed, when we really try hard Kiwis can party harder and better than anyone.

And ultimately, entertainment is about escapism - which makes a nice respite from the brutal realities of child poverty and the absolute boredom of saving for retirement.

Take those class clowns Bill and Ben from TV3's old Pulp Sport show who started their own political party last election.

Their catchphrase was "putting the party back into political party" and they managed to get thousands of votes.

You have to hand it to Helen. She was pretty rock 'n' roll, turning up to the New Zealand Music Awards religiously every year with her stirring speeches about Kiwi music triumphs. Don Brash tried showing up one year too and copped a (plastic) beer bottle in the back of the head from some rock 'n' roll yob.

Auckland mayor Len Brown is in the Clark mould too, popping up at any music and arts event he can get his name on the doorlist for. And even though he might start singing and clapping along in a rather ungainly fashion at times, he gets into it, man.

So John and Phil, I realise you are very busy people and are trying to remember your election night speeches, but you should get out more.

Get your ears blasted at Vector Arena. Or even better, swig a beer and lean on the bar at the Kings Arms and "point that thing somewhere else" with the Clean tonight.

Imagine how cool your friends - not to mention your constituents - will think you are.

-TimeOut