Simon Barnett and Vanessa Cole perform the tango during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
Simon Barnett and Vanessa Cole perform the tango during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
Everybody's 10 most beloved New Zealand celebrities have, amazingly, returned for a second week of dancing on TV. Will this be the week Dom Harvey goes mad with marital jealousy and tries to wrestle Enrique off his wife?
Will environmental activists break into the studio and release Maz Quinn back into the ocean? Will the judges summon Satan from the depths of hell by holding up the scores 6, 6, 6?
Simon Barnett & Vanessa Cole
Simon Barnett and Vanessa Cole perform the tango during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
How is Simon Barnett so ripped? Have Si and Gary been doing their radio show live from a Crossfit gym for the last three years? After being told by the judges to "butch it up" last week, Si put in a Colin Meads-level performance and tangoed through a dislocated knee to Viva La Vida by Coldplay. Easily the manliest thing New Zealand television has ever seen.
Jay Jay Harvey and Enrique Johns perform during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
After her second placing last week, Jay-Jay is weirdly stressed out by "expectations" leading into this week's dance. Surely the only expectation anybody has about DWTS is that everyone will be bad at dancing? All the expectations on Jay-Jay's shoulders weigh her down, resulting in a "stompy" quickstep to Walking On Sunshine, and the judges aren't having it.
Judges' score: 15
Chrystal Chenery & Jonny Williams
Huge buildups here, with Chrystal revealing a probably-quite-rational fear of being dropped in one of Jonny's dangerous helicopter lifts, then choosing the ominously-titled Skyfall as their waltz music. He is definitely going to drop her. Will they cut straight to ads, or show her writhing in agony on the dancefloor as a panicking Dominic Bowden calls an ambulance? Ah wait hold on they pulled it off. Never mind.
Ben Barrington and Krystal Stuart perform during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
If The Almighty Barrington's pink-bedazzled take on the classic black wifebeater doesn't show up in a Top Shop window display in the next 48 hours someone has seriously taken their eye off the trend ball. Unfortunately the judges slam his samba to "the ultimate samba track" Livin' La Vida Loca, with Stefano calling it "more salsa than samba". This seems like nitpicking.
Judges' score: 13
Shane Cameron & Nerida Cortese
Shane Cameron and Nerida Cortese perform during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
Shane and Nerida are waltzing to what sounds like the David Brent version of If You Don't Know Me By Now from The Office. This alone should be enough to win them the comp. Call it off now. It can't get better than this. The judges, hearts warmed by a bit of classic Simply Red, shower 'Meat Hands' Cameron in compliments.
Judges' score: 19
Colin Mathura-Jeffree & Kristie Williams
Colin Mathura-Jeffree and Kristie Williams perform on last night's Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
Colin and Kristie come out foxtrotting to a nightmarish jazz band cover of All About That Bass, which Candy Lane hilariously lampoons by telling Colin he's usually "all about that face". Poor, beautiful Colin is more than just an impeccably-groomed face, though, he's also a very competent foxtrotter. The pair receive unanimously favourable judging.
Judges' score: 21
Maz Quinn & Caryn Lim
Maz is a bit like a sea lion who's been taken out of his natural habitat by the circus, forced to wear a little suit and dance for the amusement of a delirious crowd. The fear and confusion in his eyes last week was heartbreaking. He looks more comfortable in this week's Uptown Funk cha-cha, which either means he's getting more comfortable on the dancefloor, or his spirit has finally been broken.
Judges' score: 13
Siobhan Marshall & Charlie Billington
Dressed like Tim Burton's wet dream and dancing a tango to David Guetta and Usher's club smash Without You, Siobhan wins the night's most confusing stylistic mash-up hands-down. She also wins the judges hearts, earning the season's new highest score. Along with Colin, she looks to be the clear favourite at this stage.
Pam Corkery and Matt Tatton-Brown perform during last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. Photo/TV3
After last week's gang-sign-throwing, feminism-ranting, gold-spangled performance, Pam and Matt reveal a softer side with a disarmingly vulnerable rhumba to Wonderful Tonight. Te Puni Corkery are easily the show's most compelling couple, and it'd be a tragedy to see them eliminated before Pam can fulfil her destiny of triumphantly shimmying to Proud Mary like the Tina Turner of talkback.
Judges' score: 14
Teuila Blakely & Scott Cole
If you squint your eyes you can almost imagine ED nurse manager Vasa Levi out there foxtrotting to It Had To Be You with rogue surgeon Maxwell Avia. So elegant, so romantic. It's the Shortland Street wedding we always wanted. If you hang upside down off the edge of the couch and hyperventilate will Candy Lane's judging comments pass for Chris Warner's best man's speech... Alas, no.
Judges' score: 21
Leaderboard:
1= Simon Barnett & Vanessa Cole (24) Siobhan Marshall & Charlie Billington (24) 3= Teuila Blakely & Scott Cole (21) Colin Mathura-Jeffree & Kristie Williams (21) 5= Shane Cameron & Nerida Cortese (19) Chrystal Chenery & Jonny Williams (19) 7 Jay-Jay Harvey & Enrique Johns (15) 8 Pam Corkery & Matt Tatton Brown (14) 9= Maz Quinn & Caryn Lim (13) Ben Barrington & Krystal Stewart (13)
