I couldn't wait any longer. I ran home from work, ripped off the plastic, popped the disc in my PlayStation, connected my headphones, grabbed the controller and relaxed back into my bean bag, ready for good times.
It was around 2007, and I was about to delve into online gaming for the first time.
As I munched on freshly microwaved popcorn, I specifically remember thinking, "This should be fun."
Five minutes later, I'd shot two of my randomly selected team mates in the back and accidentally let off a grenade in our bunker.
I thought it was kind of funny. Until I started getting yelled at. "Why are you shooting us?" yelped someone with a German accent. Then he got louder: "WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM!"
It was too freaky. I ripped my headphones off, threw them at the wall and deleted the game. I have refused to delve into the supposedly addictive world of online first-person shooters ever since.
Until last year, that is. At Armageddon, the biggest queues were for the new Call of Duty: Ghosts game, the billion-dollar franchise's first venture on next-gen consoles.
My buddies and I decided to give it a go. After 40 minutes of waiting, we finally shuffled into a small, dark room with 12 computers on a table, facing each other. We didn't realise it, but we were fresh meat. This room would soon become a killing field.
Just like that first time, I sat down, put on my headphones, customised my character, chose my weapon and prepared for carnage.
Then the game started. And I got shot. And I got shot again. Then I got shot a third time.
I was basically Tom Cruise's character from Edge of Tomorrow, continually respawning only to last seconds before collapsing in a bullet-ridden pile.
I had no hope.
For 10 minutes I was slaughtered. Even when I tried to hide, one particularly sadistic killer would track me, find me, and kill me. As the game ended, the stats came up on screen and only proved how useless I'd been. I'd managed one kill. At the top of the leaderboard was someone with 27. Twenty-seven kills in 10 minutes? Who is this freak?
As I filed out the door, I leaned over the table to see who it was. That bald head ... that black jersey ... that German accent. Kim Dotcom is so instantly recognisable, I should have given myself a smack.
But then my suspicions grew. Was Dotcom the same guy yelling at me online back in 2007? Had he been tracking me ever since, waiting for his opportunity to exact his revenge?
Maybe. But probably not. Either way, I'm still wary of online shooters. Until Destiny came out last week. If you're like me and a little scared of playing with random gamers, this is the one for you. You don't have to run around shooting other players. You don't have to look over your shoulder at every turn. Instead, you can sit in the bushes and watch others play, if you want to. In fact, during some missions, you can let them do all the work, then sneak in and take the rewards. I like it, and I've been playing it a lot.
Best of all, I haven't yet seen Dotcom pop up. He's been a bit busy for gaming lately, I guess. Rest assured, if I see him I'll fire a few virtual bullets his way. Someone's gotta get revenge for that horrible electronica album of his. It might as well be me.
• Read more: Game review: Hooked on Destiny after a day