Jenni Mortimer rounds up the best and worst performances on Celebrity Treasure Island this week.
The individual game has officially begun, and one celeb was dubbed “The Giant Slayer” after wiping out three of the game’s biggest players.
So, who did we see the demise of in week three? Why was there a grocery store? And what’s inside Liv Parker’s mind palace? Let’s find out.
Everyone’s stomachs
On Monday, host Bree Tomasel welcomed Kahu to the island’s very own grocery store.
Their quest was to make her a tasty breakfast – and pocket money for their charity prizes – by being crowned best chef.
Instead, they treated it as their very own grocery grab, stuffing their faces with items from the shelves, then panicked, poured some cold baked-bean juice on to a bagel, presented it to Tomasel, and swiftly left.
Ria Vandervis
The actor spent most of this week confused, until she wasn’t.
She wanted to be loyal to her former Shortland Street husband Ben Barrington, who absolutely never wanted to be loyal to her.
Then she wanted to be loyal to the newly formed “Ovary Alliance” of all females, but she wanted to make sure Barrington was sweet with it first. Someone might need to tell the Shorty star that’s not how female empowerment works.
But then, in a bold move, she threw a face-off and handed the win to Georgia Lines, proving her loyalty to the ladies and enabling them to put some men up for elimination. It was the CTIversion of a “No boys allowed” sign on a bedroom door that had me reaching for my Faber-Castells and a sheet of A4.
Vandervis also pocketed $7500 for her charity for coming runner-up in the grocery grab and then winning a cinnamon and sunscreen sniffing contest. What will they think of next?
Frank Bunce
Bunce proved himself to be the team player Takapu needed when he found Liv Parker in a moment of self-doubt.
“I know it’s hard to say ‘believe in yourself’, and you just go believe in yourself. But from what we’ve seen over the last few days, you’ve got so many skills and talents,” the All Black legend told the young comedian.
Motivational speeches aside, Bunce decided this was the week to flip the competitive switch.
“I think it’s time for me to step up,” he said before destroying a plastic tub with his face and eating a banana with no hands in a charity challenge.
“Even though you are in the middle of a challenge, man, this banana is sweet,” Bunce declared, and honestly, it was poetic.
Nix Adams
Adam’s one-liners are fuelling these weekly recaps nearly as abundantly as the energy drink she snagged in the grocery grab fuelled her.
She’s got that game-winning and guarana energy, and I will never tire of it.
Louis Davis
“The individual game is a better place for me. Let’s do it,” Davis told us this week.
He was instantly proved right, winning the series’ first individual face-off.
His prize? A Mexican fiesta and the ability to decide who was put up for elimination. He picked Te Ao o Hinepehinga and Georgia Lines.
Georgia Lines
On Wednesday, the singer was finally tested on the island, when she was put up against Te Ao o Hinepehinga in a classic Treasure Islandelimination challenge – foot build.
Lines’ feet and core proved to be the strongest, and she took the win, an advantage and sent Hinepehinga packing.
Lines also won the face-off, which gave her the power to put two players up for elimination. She and the Ovary Alliance conspired before settling on setting Barrington against Zion Dayal. But who was victorious?
Liv Parker
Week three let us inside the comedian’s mind palace. During an endurance challenge, Parker took a nice little trip there, and it turns out her palace is located in Forks, Washington – and is actually just the movie Twilight looped in her brain.
But when the challenge started to hurt, she changed her mind palace, because “I don’t want to associate Twilight with pain”. Team Wisdom.
Zion ‘The Giant Slayer’ Dayal
It’s hard to know where to start with this week’s big winner, now known to camp as “The Giant Slayer”.
On Monday, Dayal was put up for elimination against Portia Woodman-Wickliffe, and Woodman-Wickliffe was flattered.
“I would want to go up against the best, and that’s Zion,” the Black Fern said about her opponent in a puzzle challenge.
Dayal took the win and an advantage card. “I couldn’t believe it, I’ve just gone two-for-two and knocked out the favourite in his competition,” he said in disbelief. Last week he knocked out Vinnie Bennett.
But it’s far from over. “I think you’d be a fool not to recognise that Zion is a force to be reckoned with,” Hinepehinga rightly foresaw.
The now-famous Ovary Alliance decided to put Dayal up for elimination one more time, in an attempt to take out Barrington. Remember how Dayal had that advantage card and the power to swap himself out of the elimination challenge? In the most ballsy of moves, he chose not to use it – he wanted to send Barrington home himself.
After some hairy tower building and a near disaster for Dayal, he somehow took another win, and another advantage, making him one of the biggest threats in CTI history with a 3-0 knock-out record.
All hail The Giant Slayer.
Portia Woodman-Wickliffe
“She’s a hearty strong-as player,” Adams told the camera through tears as she put Woodman-Wickliffe up for elimination on Monday.
After Woodman-Wickliffe lost to Dayal, Barrington played the mercy advantage he’d been sitting on. But he was immediately bamboozled by Dayal’s advantage blocker card he’d relinquished to captain Adams, who sobbed as she played the card. (Yes, this does sound a little like that game they make up in Friends, but stick with me.)
“It’s okay, sis,” Woodman-Wickliffe said, comforting Adams. “I know I made wāhine proud, I know I made Māori proud. When I watch this back, I’m going to be so proud of myself.”
But it was indeed the end of the rugby star, who took home $5000 for her charity and played the game with strength and resilience.
“Outside of this, she’s a huge inspiration for Māori women. It was an honour and a privilege to even be in Portia’s presence,” Adams concluded, and we agree.
Te Ao o Hinepehinga
This week, it was highs and lows for actor Hinepehinga, who won $5000 for Unicef after winning the grocery grab challenge, and then was sent home on Tuesday.
“It’s been an honour to get to know some beautiful people,” she told the remaining celebs.
“I feel I can walk out of here with my head held high.”
Ben Barrington
It was a rollercoaster week for Barrington, too.
“I’d like to play our advantage at this point,” Barrington declared, attempting to save Woodman-Wickliffe. But he was blocked.
“My heart drops, I’m absolutely gutted,” the Shorty star told cameras.
But it’s not all bad news, the next day he took home $5000 for Heart Kids NZ in the charity challenge by sticking his face in a bin full of paste and eating a spiky fruit.
Then, when the individual game began, The Giant Slayer was sent in, and Barrington was sent packing.
“It was hard to find a strength you didn’t have,” host Jayden Daniels told Barrington on his exit.
“My cup is absolutely overflowing,” the actor said with a smile as he waved goodbye.
The Government
This week, we found out more about the bonkers theme, riddles and naturally, how the New Zealand banking system has collapsed in this sandy alternative universe.
Alas, on this Treasure Island, the country is in ruins and the Government’s gold got shipped to the Far North. The fix? Mid-level Kiwi celebrities need to go grab it for us.
The gold, we are told, is buried under the symbols left by “survivors of the last refuge”. The team suddenly realised they’d been surrounded by symbols the entire time. It’s like the time Kylie Jenner made her New Year’s resolution to “realise things”.
Now we are officially past the halfway point in the season, what twists could possibly lie ahead? Who will Dayal slay next?
Maybe the only thing we can do is hold tight to this quote from the great poet Frank Bunce, “Even though we are in the middle of a challenge, man, this banana is sweet.”
– Celebrity Treasure Island is screening now on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ+