I can’t begin to tell you how much stress we cause ourselves by worrying what “everybody” will think if we quit the shiny looking job that sucks our soul/leave the boyfriend who ticks all the boxes but just isn’t quite right/bring store bought cakes to the school fair/order takeout for the dinner party/don’t catch up with that friend we have known since school.
Worrying about the judgment of the world at large is the fastest way to derail plans that are right for your heart; your career; your body and your life. It's a dangerous way to live.
Life is full of millions of tiny decisions. Worrying about what other people think of those decisions is a waste of mental and emotional energy you could be investing elsewhere.
Why do we get so concerned about approval from others? Because our actions are the centre of our own universe we can come to assume they are getting the same level of scrutiny from everyone else. But that is not so — a vast majority of the time people are not only not caring about the decisions you make, they are not even noticing them. They are head-down, bum-up focusing on their own stuff. So start making those smaller decisions at will. The scrutiny you are imagining is exactly that. Imaginary.
Don’t let that imaginary judgment interfere with your joyful day to day life choices.
Here’s the thing, the main thing, actually, to bear in mind for big, important decisions. The ones that deep down scare and thrill you all at the same time: The more you love your decision the less you need anyone else to approve of it.
Putting our own mental and emotional energy into getting clarity on our own approval is far more rewarding than pouring it into seeking that of others.
If you love what you have chosen, if it feels completely right to you, the less you need anyone else to concur. Of course it’s lovely if they do and that’s the ideal, and of course some support along the way would be most welcome. But don’t not do the thing that is right for you because “everyone” isn’t in agreement.
What will make you love your choice more? Put your energy there. Put your focus on it. Whether it’s doing more research, or hanging with people who have chosen that course of action before you, or putting in place strategies to allow you to roll your decision out one step at a time.
Own your decision. Put your energy into your own surety. It's good to know that we generally want to convince other people when we are actually unsure ourselves. By convincing them we also want to convince ourselves and that's a risky policy. We need to put the energy towards our own clarity, not others' conviction.
The more you love your choice the less you need other people to.
The irony is, of course, that once we are committed and sure, the people we care about will more than likely support us anyway. The powerful energy of our passion and surety will shine through and draw them along for the ride.
The more you love your decision the less you need anyone else to approve of it.
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Louise Thompson is a life coach, author and corporate escapee. Read more Bite articles from Louise or visit louisethompson.com for more. Louise is a life coach, author and corporate escapee.