How do you know if something is the right choice or not? Should you stay? Or go? Quit? Or recommit? Speak up or stay silent? Buy it, or pass it in? Book it, or defer? Trust her, or not? Back him, or walk away? How do you know which way to go when there is a big decision to make? How do you choose when there are so may unknown variables? How do you know what’s right? How do you know what is the true path for you?
I see people tying themselves in knots trying to make decisions about love, life, career, friendship, family and so on. Wrestling with decisions, sometimes for yeeeeeeeeeears and years — and living in an uncomfortable, unsatisfied limbo in the meantime.
Here are the three things you need to know to break the deadlock, and make the decision you can live with:
NOT making a decision is making a decision
Choosing not to leave? Be clear. You are choosing to stay. Fact. Choosing not to speak up? You are choosing silence. You are choosing not to assert boundaries. They are not “doing it to you” or “making you feel” something— you are choosing not to voice your truth. It’s important to cease believing you are not making a decision with endless procrastinating. You are making a decision! You are deciding over and over and OVER again to NOT decide — that IS a decision in itself. And it’s a massive energy-sucking one.
Living with the weight of a significant unresolved decision splits energy and focus like nothing else. So get clear on the fact that the time has come to make a proper decision one way or the other — that you are going to execute and make peace with whichever way you are going to go, but that you are not prepared to live with “unresolved” hanging over you indefinitely.
Sometimes trying to “figure it out” is not serving you
There are some decisions in life that are not meant to be decided with logic alone. That is why you never reach a decision you are comfortable with. Because you need to add in the mission-critical feeling-based, emotion-based, spiritual-based components of the decision-making process. If you exclude them you will NEVER get to a decision you feel comfortable with — hence you don’t make one.
You are omitting the exact things you NEED to reach a consensus within yourself. To reach a place of peace with difficult decision making, trust me, you need to FEEL IT OUT, not figure it out. You need more than logic — you have to add in the other elements.
If you have been stuck on a choice for a long time, that means you need to FEEL it out, not FIGURE it out. You can trust the truth of your course of action by HOW IT FEELS. How it feels in your body (a much wiser guide than your mind).
You will feel a lightening. A “rightness”. Alignment. Your spine will seem straighter. Your body will feel lighter. Even if you are making a choice with a heavy heart — say to end a relationship— your body will TELL YOU by the way it feels that it is the right decision. Pay attention. When you ignore this vital piece of decision-making GPS you can dither with decisions for years. You can TRUST what your body tells you. FEEL IT OUT, rather than trying to FIGURE IT OUT.
The third thing you absolutely need to know
If you have been putting off a life-changing decision …well, I’m going to let you procrastinate a little longer and fill you in next week.
Through her online Happiness programme “Wellbeing Warriors”, life coach Louise Thompson helps people unlock their happiest and healthiest life. Sign up at louisethompson.com and find more from Louise at bite.co.nz/wellbeing