8. Let them do them. You do you.
“It’s just not my bag.” Easily one of the most freeing and empowering phrases in the English language. Whenever these words come out of a client’s lips I am overjoyed. It means they have stopped the struggle. Given up fighting the good fight. They have surrendered the implicit “shoulds” they have been carrying for way too long. When they declare, “It’s just not my bag!” they are accepting the magnificence of who they really are and relinquishing who they “should” be. It means instant additional capacity and focus to pour into what IS their bag. To be more of who they are. Doing what they are intrinsically talented at. Serving the world in the way that they innately do best. That they have turned their face to the sun.
I saw this recently with a fantastic homemakerof four who always felt inadequate compared to her spouse’s massive all-singing-all-dancing captain of industry career. She kept feeling “less than” because she couldn’t make any of her big business ideas real. She would find excuse after excuse. Procrastinate endlessly. Continual start stop. The truth of the matter was that the venture capital meetings and havinga “board” was just not her bag. At all. She relished looking after people. Organising small touches that bring immense joy to others. Taking the small everyday elements of life and elevating them to excellence. Making others feel valued and appreciated. Creating huge family parties and cooking up a storm for three days before with immaculate presentation and elegant personal touches. That was HER bag. Embracing that fully, and monitising a clever small-scale homespun sideline brought her amazing satisfaction and a raving fan base.
Another client was always feeling under pressure to create lavish, complicated family meals with hours of prep. Just like her mother-in-law loves doing with such aplomb. Except she would much rather be creating the amazing new physiotherapy course she has authored, and feeding the family quick, easy healthy meals that are prepped and cleared in minutes. The big foodie fest thing? Just not her bag. Someone else’s bag. Dropping that expectation and embracing her own thing has meant she has got her product to market in half the time. She is resentment-free when she is in the kitchen, and guilt-free when she is at the laptop.
It’s one of the most liberating decisions of your life to joyfully surrender the stuff that is not your bag. Let it be done with more brilliance, efficiency and enjoyment by those whose bag it is. Whether that’s creating five-star gourmet dinner parties or running the tech side of a website. Focus on whatever YOUR bag is. Connecting people and making them laugh. Delivering a killer training programme. Whatever.
The amount of FREEDOM to be found in acknowledging when it’s just not your bag will take your breath away. It will FREE you for greatness in what IS your bag. There is no point trying to be the Princess of the thing someone else does so much better, when you can be the Queen of your own thing. There are more than enough bags to go round. It’s not a competition. It’s just life. Some stuff is our bag. A lot of stuff (with the best will in the world) just ain’t!
So what if you don’t put together the perfect lunchbox with all the little compartment thingies? You rock backing that trailer like no one’s business. You can magic up a whole brand-new colour scheme to die for.
Let them do them. You do you. No one can do it better.
More columns in this series
Through her online Happiness programme “Wellbeing Warriors”, life coach Louise Thompson helps people unlock their happiest and healthiest life. Sign up at
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