Though hard to come by, the ideal local is a life essential, says Don Kavanagh.
SHE’S A hard road finding the perfect woman, as the old folk saying has it, and let me tell you, that’s not the only thing hard to find in this cold, cruel world.
Finding comfort, fellowship and social interaction in one place is a tough ask, too. I am talking about finding the perfect bar and, since I spend my weeks going from bar to bar, I am talking with a certain amount of experience.
The problem is that everyone’s idea of the perfect bar is so utterly different. I know people who want glitter balls and disco music — two things I would cheerfully shoot in any bar. Others want sophisticated cocktails, alternative rock bands or line dancing, or maybe just a quiet spot to have a quiet pint and get away from the hurly-burly for a few hours.
Whatever way you like it, having a reliable bar you can always depend on is an important part of modern life.
Regardless of what your ideal bar is like, there are some fairly constant things you need to look for in your search for the establishment that perfectly fits that little place in your heart reserved for the important things in life.
First, it’s all about atmosphere. Now that might be all ragey and strobe-lit, or it may be library-quiet and wood-panelled, but there needs to be some atmosphere in a place. I’ve been in bars that were so devoid of character and personality that it was like walking into an economics symposium. You can’t necessarily quantify atmosphere, but you’ll know it when you find it.
Next, you need decent staff. It’s no use being in the best bar on Earth if the bartender is ignorant, lazy, incompetent or all three. Life’s too short to put up with bad service, so if your favourite spot is being ruined by some eejit with delusions of adequacy, feel free to complain to the management.
Good drink is also a requirement and this, too, is an utterly subjective thing. I’m sure my personal heaven of quality ales, fine wine and malt whiskies would horrify many and I, likewise, would shun anywhere that specialised in RTDs.
Find somewhere with a drinks list you enjoy and don’t be afraid to let the staff know if you think the drink offering is substandard. Good bars listen to their customers.
Cast your net wide and try as many places as possible, because the perfect bar for you is out there, it’s just a question of finding it. And when you find it, cherish it. After all, relationships with bars can last longer than relationships with the opposite sex, and while a bar might get jealous if you visit another, at least it won’t start an argument with you over it.