If you are feeling stuck about something, it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue. If you want to get unstuck, you have to be prepared to find a new way to think it. You can’t expect things to be different while your thinking stays the same.
This may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often. People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it. So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over — for months, years, decades even — and they can’t understand why they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.
If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations, then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered though your day, as you will automatically filter them out.
The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day.
The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.
You get what you look for. In fact, you get more of what you look for. It’s self-perpetuating.
If you think that life is one never ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two-for-the-price-of-one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blowdry. Missed it. Your insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10c increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague who got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.
What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.
If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you, your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough, your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness, your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.
It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.
It takes effort, willpower, willingness and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the Lotto win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time.
Rumi, the 13th century Persian poet, said: “What you seek is seeking you.” It is. The way to speed it up finding you is to change your tune. When you change the way you think about things, things change. Happens every time. What can you change your tune on today?
Through her online Happiness programme “Wellbeing Warriors”, life coach Louise Thompson helps people unlock their happiest and healthiest life. Sign up at louisethompson.com and find more from Louise at bite.co.nz/wellbeing