There are two types of people: those who think there are two types of people and those who rolled their eyes when they saw the headline, immediately becoming the second type of person.

Clothing maintenance

Clothing is an investment. Not a very sound financial investment, as many have found to their chagrin at the Tatty's counter, but it can pay dividends in compliments and Tinder matches. There are two types of clothes people. Type One keeps the bags from the drycleaners to protect their clothes. In fact, Type One goes to the drycleaners. They may own a garment steamer. Type Two has a walk-in floordrobe and mountains of discarded clothes that may or may not need washing. On washday it all gets bundled into the machine because by then the bedroom looks like the bottom of a SaveMart bin.


No one likes to clean a shower. Type Ones reduce their cleaning time by keeping a squeegee on a little hook and scraping the glass down after every shower. Type Two thinks you could grow old and die squeegeeing the shower, and wouldn't be seen dead buying a squeegee or even saying the word squeegee. Type Two never hangs up the bathmat to dry, so the bathroom floor always feels like a mossy forest glade complete with interesting fungi. This makes Type One cry, although they'll claim it's just condensation from Type Two not opening the window.


Type One has one of those water bottles with tidal markings down the side saying things like "3pm: Keep Drinking!!!!!" Type Two prefers hot drinks. Lots of hot drinks. Type Twos are frequently seen on late-afternoon missions to the dishwasher, hands sprouting mugs like an Oktoberfest waitress. Type Ones are frequently seen huffily loading cups into the dishwasher, because Type Two believes in the mystic cleaning powers of The Bench.


Supermarket shopping

We all have to eat, which is a lot of fun for mouths but less exciting for wallets. Type One is a list-driven, meal-planning shopper. They know what's for dinner on Thursday, even if it's the previous Friday. They know what to do with allspice, which is admirable even if the answer is "put it on lamb's fry". Type Twos have no idea what's for dinner on Thursday, even if it's Thursday. They impulse-buy their way through the aisles and get home to an impossible meal of asparagus and cream donuts. Uber Eats relies on Type Twos, but at least they don't have to eat lamb's fry.


Your Type One emailer regularly unsubscribes from marketing lists and replies to emails promptly. They have an email signature that says "Regards", occasionally changing it to "Thanks" when a conversation turns sour. Type Twos have 3467 unread emails but they know most of those are probably from Vistaprint. They know that if you don't reply to an email for two months, you no longer have to. Their email signature is "Cheers", but they have to type it every time and it's only there because it makes them think of wine, which is appropriate as Type Twos are the reason Type Ones drink.