What you need to build a good relationship with your new boss

Your manager will play the most influential role in your success (or failure). Photo / 123RF

One of the most important aspects of starting a job (and one that people often forget about) is building relationships early on with your colleagues — and especially with your boss. Your manager will play the most influential role in your success (or failure). They can facilitate information sharing, accelerate your integration into the team, and help you foster relationships with others throughout the organization.

With everything else going on in the early days of your new job, you might be tempted to leave the relationship building to your boss. After all, they're more experienced than you and have a higher status at the organization, right? Wrong. Our research shows that being proactive in building a good relationship with your boss can be extremely beneficial to your career, as most managers judge proactive newcomers more Favourably in both the short and long-term.

So, how can you be more proactive and build a positive relationship with your new boss?

Picture you future self

The first step is to envision what you want your relationship with your boss to look like. Having a clear image of the type of relationship you want to build will help you identify the actions and behaviours you need to adopt to make it happen.

One way to do this is to visualise your future self — your hopes, wishes, aspirations and fears associated with who you want to be at work. Take some time to quietly reflect on the following questions:

What are the characteristics of the relationship I want with my manager?

What do I want to learn from them, and how?

What type of interactions would I like to have with them?

What is the tone of those conversations?

What are the topics I imagine us talking about?

Do we just talk about work-related issues, or do we also talk about our personal lives?

Do I want hierarchy and status to play a major role in our relationship?

Once everything is clear in your mind, write down a statement about the relationship you envision and keep it in a place where you can consult it regularly. This will help you monitor how things are going and determine if adjustments need to be made.

Pro tip: Be realistic, but positive in your vision

It's important to not let those past relationships put a stain on the new one you're trying to build. When envisioning your future self, use any negative experiences you've had to help create boundaries in your new relationship. It's OK to have some apprehensions about your new boss, but try to remember that every person is different. Taking an optimistic outlook while you envision the relationship will help motivate you to build it.

Make an action plan

Once you have identified the type of relationship you want to have, think about how you will make your vision a reality. Start by making an action plan. It could look something like this:

I will look for occasions to work closely with my boss on tasks, so I can better understand their mindset, preferences and values.

I will work with my manager to create a road map for building mutual trust and plan the necessary steps for creating an enduring high-quality relationship.

As our relationship grows, I will make a habit of taking quick notes about good and bad incidents that have characterized our relationship so that I can discuss each with my boss.

I will check in with my boss periodically to discuss what is working and what is not working. Together, we will identify achievements, lessons and areas for improvement. In these conversations, I will use the notes I have taken to demonstrate how much I care about our working relationship and the attention I have given it.

I will continue to adjust the vision of my future self periodically to incorporate what I've learned about my boss and our relationship so that my goals are never too far from the reality.

Creating an action plan, and following it, will allow you to build a true, trustful and growing relationship with your boss.

Pro tip: Believe in your power

You have the ability to create the relationship you want with your manager, and it's your responsibility to do so. As cliché as it may sound, the key is to believe in your power. Our research shows that when new employees have confidence in their ability to create the future relationship they want, and truly feel that it is their responsibility, they are more motivated and likely to achieve their goal. Newcomers who are less convinced of their control over the process, however, are less motivated and less likely to invest in building a high-quality relationship with their manager.

Monitor your relationship

As you grow into your role, and get busier, it will be easy to stray from your vision or lose track of the progress you've made. So it's important that you also consistently monitor your relationship with your manager.

When you first start your job, mark a date on your calendar to re evaluate how your relationship is progressing. As you progress, it can become a semiregular activity (once every month or quarter depending on your needs). Block off an hour on your calendar and use that time to check in on your vision and reflect on how close, or far, your reality comes to it.

As you reflect, don't be afraid to ask your boss for advice or suggestions. They should be invested in your relationship, too, and being open and honest about your goals will help them better understand your needs.

Pro tip: Take small actions every day

Performing "extra-role" behaviours, such as showing genuine interest in your manager and helping them with extra tasks is also important. These are simple, daily actions that take little time, but they will go a long way in helping you create and sustain a positive relationship with your boss.

Successfully navigating a new job — and all the related tasks and social dynamics that are critical in your first few months — requires a lot of energy and resources. And being proactive in creating the relationships you want, and the version of yourself you want to be at work, will be challenging. But the long-term benefits will pay off. The relationship you want with your boss is possible to build, and is within your control. It's all about your vision, your plan, and your progress.

Written by: Marcello Russo, Gabriele Morandin and Massimo Bergami
© 2021 Harvard Business School Publishing Corp. Distributed by The New York Times Licensing Group