Peter Bromhead: Getting sketchy over politicians

Cartoon / Peter Bromhead

Opinion

"As a cartoonist, who would you prefer to win the election - Key or Goff?" That was the question from a newshound seeking wisdom from someone whom he misguidedly presumed was an astute political observer.

I responded swiftly: "John Key by a mile. He's easier to draw, with better facial extremities to exaggerate." I added: "Sadly, Phil's mug is rather similar to the late Bill Rowling - a bit featureless where it matters."

"So you're a keen National supporter?" asked the reporter.

"Nope," I retorted. "I just prefer Key, because I've got his cartoon template in my computer system and I don't want to have to go through all that sweat again with Phil."

"But what about the needs of the country?" the hack asked anxiously. "Aren't you interested in the party with the best policy agenda running the economy?"

"Err ... that hasn't occurred to me," I confessed, adding, "but I've only been drawing political cartoons for 50 years, so I might not have got around to understanding party dogma yet."

"So, what concerns you about John Key and his political stance?" I was asked.

"Well ..." I replied, seriously considering the question. "I'm not too shook on his taste in casual clothing. Powder blue in casual shirts is a bit naff and I'm not sure about those little tell-tale patches of grey close to his ears, which suggests he might be dipping into the dye-pot.

"More importantly, I'm still unclear if he understands how to hand-tie his own bow ties with his dinner suit. A Prime Minister who wears clip-ons is not, or never will be, a great statesman."

"I see you are in the Epsom electorate, so who will you vote for?" the reporter continued. "Mmm ..." I pondered again. "Both Banks and Brash are easy to draw ... but ... I still preferred the guy who held the seat ... err ... you know ... the one who looked like Mussolini."

"You mean Rodney Hide?"

"That's the bloke. I've still got all his cartoon templates ... shame those other dodgy old has-beens came along and knifed him; means more hard work for me rebuilding a file," I grumbled.

"So, will you vote for the National or Labour candidate?"

"Not likely," I replied, "too colourless in the facial department to waste votes on."

"So, who would you vote for if you had a free choice?" asked the reporter, wrapping up the interview.

"Muldoon ... always Muldoon ... the best phizog of all time," the cartoonist concluded with a wistful sigh.