KEY POINTS:
Love may be blind but experts recommend people check potential partners are debt-free before making a commitment.
Household debt has been steadily rising since the 1980s and the pressure of debt has been driving couples to counsellors and lawyers.
"Financial problems and pressures can put stress on relationships
and, in these times, that's happening," says Peter McMillan, of Imago Institute for Relationships.
His clients usually arrive because of concerns about relationship dynamics which are often triggered by the stress of debt. "They often don't relate the financial problems to the relationship problems."
Jacqui Thomas - founder of getahead.co.nz - says many clients' debt-related arguments stem from a communication breakdown, and debt becomes more of a problem when incomes are combined.
"If you are young and earning your own money, it probably doesn't show up as much of a problem because you are both used to doing your own thing," she says.
But couples who live together, buy property together, or raise a child need a plan.
"Take some time to nut it out so you can understand where each other is coming from in terms of money, " she says. "No matter how you make it work, it is crucial each of you has money that is play money, that you don't have to justify and can do what you want with."
Living with debt is fairly mainstream for people aged up to 50, Thomas says.
She often talks to clients about trying to make money go further or find other sources of income. "It's about taking each person's personal situation and working with that."
Relationship lawyer Vanessa Bruton, a partner at Brookfields Lawyers, sees many debt-ridden couples. She is seeing more cases when property values have fallen, or property is hard to sell, resulting in little or no equity after the bills are paid.
The Property (Relationships) Act 1976 covers a breadth of relationship debts - mortgages, overdrafts, hire purchase, credit card debt on groceries and boarding school fee loans.
Debate arises around debts, such as student loans incurred during a relationship, or tax liability on income earned before separation but payable afterward.
Another tricky problem is with mortgages raised on the family home to provide funding for a business in which one partner is the sole shareholder and director, or loans a partner had before the relationship for a business, in which the profits have been re-invested.
Bruton has had cases when a partner, usually the woman, was unaware of the man's business affairs and signed loan and mortgage documentation without really realising the impact it would have.
"This makes it difficult for her to successfully argue monies raised were not relationship debts - and the cost of going through a court process to have that acknowledged may be pointless and uneconomic, especially when little or no equity exists anyway."
Bruton recommends that throughout all relationships, both parties make every effort to know what the situation is with their own and their partner's financial affairs.
