The Pitch: Good English vital for trade

By JOHN BISHOP

Bad spelling and poor syntax can be funny. A menu had "fried fries". Would they be boiled?

A sign to a restaurant said it was "trough" the arcade. Perhaps it's a style of eating.

In one menu I found 14 errors. There was a "Scotch filled with mushroom sauce" (fillet perhaps?).

"Saut'e" vegetables were offered, with a "mesclum" salad. To start there were prawns with "wasbai" and lamb was served with a "red current jus". Electrifying?

On another occasion I was informed that "Kaikoura is renown [sic] for its fresh seafood".

Another restaurant boasted of its "Mediterian" style menu. That's not even close to "Mediterranean".

In Wanaka a menu offered "fried potato's", while another cafe urged visitors to "enjoy lunch by [their] tranquil pond's".

A favourite is the two Napier hotels that ran an advertisement congratulating themselves for their handling of a power failure. The advertisement referred to "the manager's" of both establishments, and talked of how "customer's needs are always paramount".

Real estate is a rich source of the giggles. An Auckland agent had an "implecibly presented home ... [which will be the] object of jelousy amongst all your friends".

I've seen houses in "quite streets" and in an Auckland real estate website I was told that the highest tender "will not be accepted". Really?

By far the most common language error is misuse of the apostrophe. For example: "Open at 11.30 am on Mondays and Tuesday's"; "This Weeks Special's" (wrong use of the apostrophe twice).

As a journalist and writer, I am passionate about using our language well, and am disturbed when it is mangled through ignorance or carelessness. I saw so many errors in menus, signs, posters, flyers and the like that I had to take action.

My first thought was to leave rude notes on the offending item. But because many of the errors were careless rather than deliberate, I thought why upset people if the matter can be handled more positively.

So I established Writecheck - an online business providing a proofing and checking service to help people use language correctly and effectively.

It specialises in marketing material and other communications seen by customers, staff and the public, and is available only through the Writecheck website.

Why use a service like Writecheck? Smart businesses know that their customers aren't stupid. Who is going to deal with a business that can't take the trouble to tell its own story properly?

People who are laughing at your mistakes aren't buying your goods and services and they're telling their friends about your stuff up.

Writecheck is not the "English Police" seeking to enforce obscure rules or frustrate creative use of language. Deliberate errors for effect are fine. However, good communication normally starts by using language properly, that is, free of errors in grammar, spelling, syntax and punctuation. That's important for individuals but vital for businesses striving to sell their goods and services.

* John Bishop is the principal of Writecheck. He is also a professional public speaker, communications consultant and trainer. He publishes a free newsletter on communications, marketing and management issues which is available from his website www.johnbishop.co.nz.

* The Pitch is a forum for those working in advertising, marketing, public relations and communications. We welcome lively and topical 500-word contributions.
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