HURDIT on the grapevine

Just take our easy course and speak Apec like a native. By Warren Gamble

You are now entering the world of GOAT (Glossary of Apec Terms). Do not be afraid. A few simple lessons and you too can be speaking GOAT as fluently as if you had learned it as a kid.

Basic GOAT naturally begins with APEC (Asia Pacific Economic Co-operation). If you think a body with such a long title is sure to boast many equally impressive acronyms, you are ROTB (Right on the Button).

Some might say Apec is all about TILF (Trade and Investment Liberalisation and Facilitation). But you cannot ignore ECOTECH (Economic and Technical Co-operation).

Unfortunately, Apec's other main aim, strengthening markets, does not have its own acronym - SM has already been taken and could arguably give the wrong idea.

Apec does however have SMEs (Small and Medium Enterprises) which have their own meetings to get their small and medium voices heard by Apec bigwigs.

The voice of big business is more often heard at ABAC (Apec Business Advisory Council) meetings.

ABAC gets a chance to meet leaders at the annual summit, where they will probably go on about reducing NTMs (Non-Tariff Measures).

NTMs have a part in a bigger and more important acronym called IAPs (Individual Action Plans). Each Apec economy prepares its own IAP to show how it is doing with TILF and ECOTECH.

Then there are CAPs (Collective Action Plans) which are like IAPs on steroids, involving many Apec members.

Sadly, one of the best-loved Apecisms could soon be RIP. The delicious EVSL (Early Voluntary Sector Liberalisation) went down a treat at Apec cocktail parties, but the initiative has been KO'd (Knocked Out). It has been replaced with the less glamorous ATL (Accelerated Tariff Liberalisation).

Apec officials even have acronyms when they meet. New Zealand has hosted several SOMs (Senior Officials Meetings) this year. Some SOMs are informal (delegates loosen their ties), some are special SSOMs (delegates wear their best dark suits and ties) and others have been credited with curing insomnia.

And let's not forget sub-committees, including the SCCP which has nothing to do with the old Soviet Union but is the Sub-committee on Customs Procedures.

Advanced GOAT includes the splendid FEEEP (Food, Energy, Environment, Economic Development and Population), and HURDIT - you probably haven't - which stands for Human Resources Development in Industrial Technology Network.

Finally, Apec leaders and spouses get their own tag, beyond the not-quite-grandiose enough VIPs. They are collectively known for police purposes as IPPs (Internationally Protected Persons).

So next time you exchange banter with an Apec IPP, throw in a FEEEP to see if they've HURDIT, and for goodness sake watch your IAPs and Qs.