When does work gossip go too far?

Those tempted to gossip should consider the consequences. Photo / Wavebreakmedia Ltd

If you have leadership aspirations curb the urge to spread rumours about workmates

I'm not one to gossip but ... years ago at a TVNZ redundancy party I came across two colleagues - both married to other people - in a clinch under a desk in the newsroom.

It would have been a great piece of gossip but unfortunately I too was in a clandestine clinch with someone else's husband, and although not wedged inelegantly under a desk, I was in a similarly precarious position.

Anyway, it's likely everybody already knew, since media organisations have very efficient channels for the transfer of information, be it confirmed or not.

So what is gossip? The Oxford dictionary defines it as "casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as true". I prefer David Hartnell's comment that gossip is the oil of all human society. But had I gossiped about my TVNZ colleagues, it might have wrecked their marriages and threatened their jobs.

To combat office gossip you need to know what it is. Friendly, jokey work banter and gossip are worlds apart. Here's a guide to telling the difference.

Chat: This is friendly work chatter about colleagues that include and enlighten the listener rather than intrigue, titillate or entertain. A conversation might be "Jenny's being sent to Wellington on a training course for a week." "Mike won't be too happy about that - he's not exactly a dab hand in the kitchen."

This kind of chat, while speculative, is friendly and harmless, and unless Mike is about to apply for a chef's job, he's unlikely to suffer any damage.

Grapevine gossip: This is gossip pertaining to general change that's happening in a workplace. Someone may have mentioned the word "redundancy" and now the rumour is running around the building like wildfire. This happens during times of economic uncertainty and is fuelled by fear and exacerbated by poor communication from management. It's less damaging than personal attacks but can force employees into premature and ill-considered decisions. If you are a team leader, it's wise to acknowledge the fears of your team, tell them what you know and try to find out what they need to know from senior management.

Gossip: By using a confidential tone and imparting information about somebody else, the gossiper becomes the centre of attention. The motivations are attention-seeking and self-promoting.

He or she wants to be seen as the person who knows things others don't. An example: "Jenny's the only one from here that got picked for that training course. I thought she'd been spending rather a lot of time in the boss' office. Not hard to figure out what went on there." The inference that Jenny slept her way on to the training course could have major repercussions. Jenny, her boss and both their families could be damaged and their relationships and jobs put at risk.

Virtually all human resources experts and executive trainers counsel against participation in work gossip.

"If you have leadership aspirations, any participation will be viewed negatively by those above you and you'll risk being seen as anti-team spirited," says executive coach Duncan Mather. "Office gossips limit themselves on the career ladder."

He warns there can be more serious consequences, citing the case of an Auckland woman who lost her job because she spread gossip about two colleagues having an affair. She ignored oral and written warnings about the behaviour and was eventually dismissed.

Mather says those tempted to gossip should ask themselves the question "where will this end?".

Being cautious with gossip is common sense, but the lure of being in the loop is seductive because gossip is the standard currency of human connection. I was once the subject of a potentially damaging piece of office gossip. I was assigned to go on a work trip to East Germany, and decided to pull out at the last minute because I didn't get on with one of the crew.

The documentation was complete so to get us out of this tight spot, my boss suggested we tell the East German Embassy I couldn't travel as I had just discovered I was pregnant.

"Make sure nobody else hears that," I told him, "because my husband has had a vasectomy."

He promised me the white lie would be between him and the East German ambassador.

He gave the sealed papers to his PA to deliver.

When I turned up in the staff caf the next day, there were flowers on my table and a bottle of champagne with a card directing me to save it until "after the happy event".

My husband and I drank it that night and laughed till we cried.