My mum's illness made me a better leader

Alex Malley (Above) - Difficult experiences can be a foundation for creating a brighter life for you and the people around you.

Dealing with his mother’s depression taught Alex Malley valuable lessons for his business career.

My mother had clinical depression. As a consequence, I experienced difficult and upsetting moments in my childhood - none more so than when she was absent from home, residing in a psychiatric hospital.

While I reflect on those days with sadness, I also do so with a profound mix of gratitude and inspiration.

At times mum was not able to teach me life lessons in the traditional sense, but the insights and leadership values she was able to instil stay with me to this day.

And they are lessons I am sure I never would have gained had I been brought up in more conventional circumstances.

Be a student of human behaviour
Critical in trying to help my mother was anticipating when her mental health was about to lapse, and acting on it quickly. Mum taught me the importance of observing and addressing behaviour.

While the stakes may not be as high in a workplace environment, it is a leader's responsibility to detect if someone is not their usual self, and speak to them at a human level to see if there is anything they can do to help.

Similarly, if there is tension or an issue among staff members, it is the job of the leader to see it and take action to remedy it.

At the forefront of a leader's mind should be a determination to protect those around them should circumstances require it, and this can happen only if they recognise it.

Stay positive
On the occasions mum was taken to hospital, I had to learn to stay positive. I would go to school and navigate what seemed like such a mundane day in the context of my life.

For my own wellbeing, I focused on maintaining an optimistic outlook. It was not an act; it was a state of mind that helped me cope.

Over time, in a way, I guess this hardened me. Today, during tough professional situations - it might be a difficult negotiation or a crisis - I focus on the good and ensure everything is kept in context.

By compartmentalising the good, the bad and the ugly, I stay above an issue and have the perspective and positive mindset needed to drive good decision-making.

This is a beneficial psyche for a leader because it can become infectious; meaning those around them will be less inclined to lose focus through fear or panic.

Maintain an open mind
Insights can come from the most unexpected people at the most unexpected moments. I remember one day when I was about 12 years old being at mum's bedside in hospital waiting for her to wake up. Various doctors and nurses came and went, but none of them spoke to me.

Eventually a cleaner came into the room. He immediately sparked a conversation with me as he mopped the floor. He told me how nice my mother was and how she had spoken highly about my siblings and me.

This stranger's unexpected kindness and simple compassion immediately made me feel better about my mum, her situation and the environment I was in. So much so, here I am writing about it some 40 years later.

This taught me a lot about decency, the importance of listening and having an open and curious mind. A leader needs to be aware that it is not just the most senior management team that possesses worthwhile insights.

Never give up
In spite of my mother's difficulties, she somehow found a desire and ability to bounce back from her depression for glimpses of time. Through all the turmoil and challenges she faced, she found a place in her heart and mind to enjoy life in moments and in her own way. While these moments were sometimes fleeting, they recurred, instilling me with a deep-seated appreciation of willpower.

I believe this is a quality a leader should encourage and nurture in their staff. If people truly want to achieve an objective, they can find a way to make it happen no matter what the obstacles or setbacks.

Sadly, my mother passed away many years ago, but what I learned from her will never pass because I share it with as many people as will listen. I hope you too find something from her journey and redoubtable fighting spirit.

•Alex Malley is chief executive of CPA Australia and author of the book The Naked CEO. This article appeared on LinkedIn and is republished here with permission.