Is 'resting bitch face' holding you back?

People with Resting B--- Face don't realise they are making an unpleasant face. Photo / Thinkstock

Karla L. Miller writes an advice column on navigating the modern workplace.

Question: I am a 35-year-old woman. Throughout my career, no matter how much knowledge or training I have had, I have never been promoted or felt respected. It all came to a head recently, and I have been racking my brain over how to fix it.

You see, I have hit the trifecta of bad personality/social traits: I am an introvert, I have a severe sarcastic streak and I have what is known on YouTube videos as "resting bitch face."

This explains why I have had trouble being promoted ("We had to pass you over for Joy because she really puts herself out there") and why co-workers gossip about me behind my back or while I am concentrating on a difficult task ("She is always mad about something!").

App users tap here to watch 'Bitchy Resting Face'

I have tried being more outgoing and toning down the sarcasm (which I have never used with clients), but I don't realise when I am making an unpleasant face. I can just be reading something and someone will ask why I'm "upset." I would have to plaster a fake grin on my face all day to get rid of it.

I really am not a monster! I love my work, but I fear I am forever going to be held back. Please advise!

Answer: A sarcastic introvert who pulls faces? Why ever would you think I could help?

For starters, I wouldn't wait for society to accept that a woman has the right to think (or talk, or cross the street) without simultaneously arranging her face into some pleasing configuration. When you have to concentrate, try to find an angle where your furrowed brow isn't on display. If you're still called out on it, blink, shake it off and own it with a laugh: "Sorry, I just have chronic grumpy thinkface. Did you need me for something?"

You can also try retraining your face muscles with a hobby that reinforces conscious positivity, such as improv comedy or working with kids.

Reining in the snark is wise. A drop of acid can be an invigorating antidote to the cloyingly earnest, but too much irritates. (Or so I'm told.)

But maybe not all change has to come from within. Is there a different position - or even a different workplace - that takes advantage of your skills but doesn't require a touchy-feely dog-in-tutu delivery? Somewhere you can thrive as your introspective, irreverent self?

As always, a therapist or career coach can help you over the wall. I've also found inspiration and validation in Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

So dig in and power through this epiphany. You'll likely end up in a better place. And if we're ever at a dinner party together, be sure to come sit by me.

Miller has written for and edited tax publications for 16 years, most recently for the accounting firm KPMG's Washington National Tax office.