Don't leave me this way

If work is stressful and no action has been taken to address it sometimes resigning is your best option. Pic Getty.

"My experience of people resigning is often that they have not come to me before they've made this decision and told me what issues they'd like addressed. They just come to me with a barrage of complaints that for me have come out of the blue and they say: 'right, I'm leaving'," says an Auckland business owner.

"That's frustrating for me — because I haven't been given the opportunity to sort out whatever the person is having a problem with. The resignation has come as a big surprise."

Career EQ principal consultant and owner Kaye Avery says it's a shame when a company loses someone who has knowledge of the business and contributes well to the workplace. "That is a real loss to the business.

"But one needs to question what makes the employee not feel safe around sharing concerns. What was happening? Often it's because people are too busy to talk, so they don't have meaningful conversations, or it's because employees feel that might threaten their tenure. They fear they may be challenged or be seen to be a complainer.

"The main issue is how do you remain transparent with your employee? The employer builds the trust. The manager should perhaps ask the staff member, how are you doing, do you want to have coffee — make the space."

So when does an employee know it's time to move on? Avery says: "If you have shared your concerns and there's no redress, and you've waited for a response that hasn't happened, it's unlikely it will happen."

If the role has plateaued and there's no learning — that could be a reason to leave.

"People need to feel they are developing; that there's scope for development opportunities.

"That's a huge thing these days — they don't like to feel they're a minion just processing stuff. They want to feel they're doing something that counts, growing and learning.

"They want to see projects to inspire and stretch them. If there's nothing happening, why stay?"

Avery says when there's been a lot of change in an organisation, some people become change-weary. "It starts to niggle. There can be morale issues in the organisation — if working in a place isn't fun, people want to jump ship."

So you need to have good communication, career development opportunities and fun at work. It has to feel worthwhile. You don't want to dread every Monday.

"There's also a problem when work becomes overwhelmingly too busy — it affects how the person is at home and how they're interacting with their families.

"Some people would want to move to get a better life balance.

"It's difficult to have a calm and peaceful house when you're absolutely exhausted and on edge because of work."

Two big reasons people leave are money and management.

"The money thing is big — it costs a lot to live. People can't be living on the bones for too long. Money is a value indicator — it helps the person feel valued if they get a salary increase. It can engage them longer.

It's all about systems — if the system is supportive and good, then it works, if not, you may want to leave. If there's no change even though you've spoken about it, then absolutely leave — you need to look after yourself.

Kaye Avery

"The other factor is an employee's relationship with their manager. It's often the biggest reason people leave.

"Some managers have a tough job, they have to follow direction from their leaders. Sometimes the dynamic is passed on to employees below them. Sometimes the manager isn't coping.

"It's all about systems — if the system is supportive and good, then it works, if not, you may want to leave. If there's no change even though you've spoken about it, then absolutely leave — you need to look after yourself."

"Career development is about having to look after yourself," says Avery. "You have to drive conditions and make sure they are conducive to you doing your best work.

"If you're not feeling valued, connected and not having fun at work — it may be time to leave. It's about what you need in a workplace. What matters to you — what are your values, and is the workplace working for you?

"If you're noticing you're stagnating and are in too much of a comfort zone, that can be a problem. If you're not enjoying your job and feeling engaged, your performance is likely to slip."

She says the reality is people often go to work because they have a mortgage and a family and need to work. "If you're disengaged or overstretched you're likely to make mistakes or upset the customer, colleagues or manager. That's not good for your career. If you're overwhelmed or disengaged, you need to wake up and work out what you need."

That may mean using counselling services offered by your employer, or going to a counsellor or career coach privately.

"Overall it comes back to asking yourself what do you want and how do you want to make it happen.

"It's about taking some control," says Avery.

●Val Leveson is an Auckland-based counsellor