Couples feel squeeze

Job insecurity and money strife is pushing more Kiwis into relationship counselling as families struggle to cope with reduced incomes.

The number of referrals for counselling in the Family Court grew from 20,190 in 2007 to 20,757 last year.

Figures for the first half of this year show the upward trend on track to hit more than 23,200, with 11,607 referrals between January and June.

Louise Chapman, of Relationship Services, says 41 per cent of couples list financial security as a cause for recurring disagreement and the recession has "made that worse".

She says the kinds of couples affected are those who were both on good incomes and have borrowed on that basis.

Suddenly one is made redundant, which affects the relationship "hugely".

If the man is made redundant, Chapman says it raises gender issues of failing as a provider, sometimes triggering depression.

The Salvation Army's Ross Richards says its Manukau service centre used to assist "blue collar" clients but Richards says it is now catering to the middle class, dealing with complex financial issues such as bankruptcy and mortgagee sales.

"We have seen a lot more people who have lost jobs, lost their overtime or had their hours reduced. They find themselves in financial strife, which is the number one factor for causing relationship crises."

The centre has had a 40 per cent increase in demand for its services in the past year, and expects 8500 families to access its services this year.

Parents Inc is battling to cope with the growing number of families struggling with financial stress, says chief executive Bruce Pilbrow. "Unfortunately, it does affect the kids a lot."

Chapman says couple counselling is about managing the way people communicate and the impact of that on the relationship.

"We peel back the layers around people's different attitudes to money - how it was dealt with in their family of origin or previous relationships. We get them to make conscious decisions around money and how roles will be shared."

The link between divorce and current economic conditions is not yet reflected statistically, because couples have to be separated for at least two years before they can legally dissolve their marriage.

But Chapman says there is an incentive to stay together - it's cheaper than setting up two new households.

She stresses money issues are no excuse for violence, and that there is support available. "People often blame losing control on lack of money and stress. We say everyone can control themselves, it's a choice they make."

Parents Inc advises couples to review their needs, prioritising family.

When Pilbrow and his wife had their first child, they opted to move from Auckland to Whangerei where it is cheaper to live so one parent could afford to stay home.

Families are no longer leveraging themselves so highly, Pilbrow says, which is a good lesson.

"There's going to be a lag effect, but a number of families are starting to take control of how they run the household, finding ways to decrease debt, build businesses or find other ways of increasing income."