An ear, a hand, all help

For people trapped in domestic violence but not eligible for support, a Mangere
healthcare centre offers a helping hand, reports Rebecca Blithe.
For the next six months, Hemi* is not allowed to see his son. Following a violent domestic incident, the Manukau District Court ordered he refrain from any contact or communication until his case is reviewed later this year.
"It's sort of ripped me and my son apart," says Hemi. "This whole scenario has been more detrimental to my relationship with my son than the incident itself," he says of the restraining order.
Because this is his first time before the courts, known as a "one strike", he doesn't qualify for referral to an anger management programme through the Justice Ministry.
So Hemi sought help on his own, to ensure it wouldn't happen again. "I wanted to acknowledge what I did, not sit around and wait. So I started to look around for programmes. My family look to me for leadership. Sometimes you fall off the horse but you have to get back up. I needed to find someone to help me facilitate things."
He got in touch with Turuki Healthcare and found family violence coordinator Georgina Wilkinson who has been responsible for implementing a new domestic violence programme. While he wasn't eligible to take part, Turuki agreed to help him with concepts from the programme on an individual basis.
"A lot of places would say, 'We don't help "one strikes" but I thought, this guy is putting his hand up. He's taking full responsibility," says Ms Wilkinson.
"What we have been noticing is Maori are represented highly across the board in court in relation to domestic violence. It leads us to question: are they getting the right kind of help?
"We started the programme because there was a gap in the delivery of domestic violence programmes that catered for Maori men," she says.
The initiative has been two years in the making. "Traditionally, the idea is you put him in a room and educate him.
"The majority of those guys have a home and they have to go back there."
For Hemi, he was able to bring his wife, who witnessed the incident, along to sessions.
"Anything I've been involved in, good or bad, I've always involved my children and my wife. Both my wife and I have been able to discuss what's been happening with our children."
Hemi says the experience has been life-altering and wants other men to know about the help that is available.
"For men, it is a lot more difficult to talk about your emotional side. Here, it's being able to get a bit of my frustration out, putting my case to someone else that was a stranger. The fact that she's Maori was very appealing. Sometimes, the best ones to talk to are your own."
* We have changed Hemi's name.
Reach out
For more info on the programme at Turuki Healthcare Centre in Mangere, call Georgina,
ph 256 5667, or email: georgina@turukihealthcare.org.nz